"A Million Little Ways" by Emily P. Freeman
*I'm sorry, but I'm not sure who the photo credit goes to...
I recently went on a two month hiatus from this blog. Maybe you read every post of mine so you noticed when I stopped writing. Or perhaps this is the first post you've ever read so my absence didn't even cause a ripple of awareness in your world. Whatever the case, I'd like to share with you why my fingers ceased their typing.
I've been reading Emily P. Freeman's book, "A Million Little Ways." This book is very encouraging and challenging for me, I'm absolutely loving the things I'm learning through it. My husband and I moved when I was a little over halfway through it and somehow in the packing my book got misplaced so I was unable to finish it. Thankfully I found it recently so I've been able to just restart from the beginning. This made me one happy girl!
The tagline, if you will, for this book is "uncover the art you were made to live." Emily talks about how we're all artists and that we were born to make art, we were made to live art. Whatever we do, that is our art. I strongly encourage anyone and everyone to read it because it's such an inspiring read. This book was actually the push I needed to surrender to God's calling on me to begin this very blog.
It's also what helped me realize that I needed to step back and take a break from the writing. My mind had begun to be crowded with worries over what you, the readers, were thinking about what I was writing. Were you enjoying it or was I boring you? Would the comments bring compliments or ridicule? Was I at all making a difference or was I wasting my time?
I had also begun to be intimidated by the art other women were producing. In the beginning, I loved reading their blogs and finding encouragement in their posts. But then that encouragement morphed into intimidation for me. Their words and the ways they used them seemed so much better than my own. Their blogs get read by many while mine might only be seen by a few.
Emily caught what I was feeling in chapter 6 of her book and she says it this way -
"Sometimes my biggest enemy isn't the critic spitting rude in my face,
it's the artist crafting beautiful, gracious work by my side."
In my eyes, their art is on par with da Vinci while I'm still playing with finger paints. Theirs gets the esteemed place of gracing peoples walls while mine is more fit for the side of a refrigerator. Their art is so much prettier, so much more profound, so much more inspiring so why do I even try when I obviously don't measure up?
"As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God's glory." (1 Corinthians 10:31MSG)
I was sitting on my bed with the laptop in front of me while I tried getting the words to flow right for another post when it hit me - my focus wasn't in the right place. I couldn't get the message to sound right because my own ears had been turned to my inner critic's voice. Somewhere along the line my thoughts had changed from, "What do you want me to share, Lord?" to "What do they want to hear?" So I pushed the Mac away and began my break from the blogger world. In that moment, a phrase from Emily's book resonated in my heart.
"I'm no longer an image bearer with a job to do.
I have become a job doer with an image to maintain."
I needed to step away from the art because it had become too important. I had come to a place where surrender was once again required. I felt in my heart that I needed some time apart from the task of writing for my blog.
*Photo found on Pinterest*
I wanted to once again be at the place where my reason for opening myself up through my blog was so that God would be glorified. I needed to let go of the hindrances I had picked up by measuring my blog's status against that of others' success. I needed to once again find peace about being at my art table with my finger paints. I longed to again be content with my place of honor on someone's fridge (and it is an honorary place because that's where all the beautiful childlike art gets showcased.) I felt called to sink again into Him so that my words would point towards Him, not towards myself. This blog is never supposed to be about me, it's reason for being is to show His power and presence in my life so that others may be encouraged. I lost sight of all of that when I began comparing myself to others and worrying about how y'all viewed me.
"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." (Galatians 6:4-5MSG)
I didn't write anything over the course of the two months. When ideas for posts would flutter in my brain, I'd allow them to flutter right back out without writing them down anywhere. I didn't want to do anything related with my own blog until I felt God give me the go ahead to start sharing again. I figured if these thoughts and ideas were things He wanted me to share, than I could trust He'd remind me of them when the time came.
While my heart and mind felt ready before the two months was over, I continued to stay absent because I didn't feel like God had told me to start writing again. I never had a plan of staying away so long, but I'm trying to trust more in the Truth that God's timing is best and in so doing wait on Him to lead me onward instead of just rashly forging ahead. In this situation, that meant keeping my fingers off the keyboard and allowing Him to control when/if I wrote another post.
I'm happy to be back and writing again, though the break from it was greatly needed. I didn't realize how much until I'd stepped back from it. I think that happens more often than we realize.
We know God's calling us to do something so we surrender and step out in obedience. Then we put our all into this purpose He's given us, at times not realizing when the ministry becomes more important than the One Who called us to it. I think at times we can get so busy serving God that we lose the closeness and intimacy He longs for us to have with Him. Our relationship with Him suffers when we become too busy serving Him that we no longer have time simply to be with Him.
My heart's prayer is that He would step in and open my eyes anytime I start to veer off course. I do not want my life to be about checking things off the list that I feel I need to do for Him. I want my life to be a work of art that brings glory and honor to my Abba. I want my art to be a visible portrayal of my heart's devotion to the Artist.
*If you'd like to check out some of the blogs I find encouragement from, just click on the links below. Happy reading!
chatting at the sky by Emily P. Freeman
Holley Gerth by Holley Gerth
TimeWarpWife by Darlene Schacht
A Holy Experience by Ann Voskamp
Good Morning Girls by contributors Angela, Courtney, Jennifer, and Whitney
Women Living Well by Courtney Joseph
Club 31 Women by Lisa Jacobson
If any of my male readers are interested in some blogs written by men (or any of you females know a man looking for some), here are a few I've found while researching different topics for my blog. I'm obviously not a man so I haven't really read through or "vetted" these, but from what I've seen they look like good blogs.
Matthew Jacobson by Matthew Jacobson (who is married to Lisa from Club 31 Women)
Jarrid Wilson by Jarrid Wilson (this link also leads to his wife's, Juli, blog as well)
Striving for Wisdom by Chris Cartwright
Husband Revolution by several contributors
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