*In the really hard moments of surgery recovery (Feb '18), I would dream of a future as a mom to help get me through the pain. Picturing having Littles to love as my own would bring a bright spot into the really dark moments. In one of those times, I wrote a letter to my future child, to help me remember that there’s a very important reason I fight day after day to recover and grow strong. There’s a reason… and that reason has a heartbeat.*
My dear Little ~
We haven’t yet met, but my heart longs for the day we do.
I eagerly anticipate the moment when we’re blessed to call you ours.
What a joyous day that will be!
Of you, Dear One, I dream.
Of packing diaper bags and having wet wipes always on hand.
Late night feedings and early morning snuggles.
New baby smells - both the “mmm” and the “eww”.
First smiles, first giggles, first steps, and first falls.
Bath time splashes and bedtime stories.
Days filled with finger paint fun and glittery chaos.
King-of-the-couch wrestling matches and tickle wars.
Dress up fun and fort-making adventures.
“I love you, Mommy!” and “Watch this, Daddy!” in innocent voices.
Dancing around the kitchen and rolling in the yard.
What will you look like?
Will you have blue eyes? brown? green?
Will your hair be straight, curly, or a mix of both?
Blonde? Brunette? Red head?
A gap in your teeth? A cowlick in your hair?
Who will you be?
Will you grow up and soar through the clouds like Daddy?
Will you be like me and find happiness amongst animals?
Will you want to join sports? dance? debate?
Will you prefer big crowds or time alone?
For you, Sweet One, I pray.
That you fall in love with Jesus as a child and spend all your days pursuing Him.
That you see beauty in each person you meet, knowing they hold great value and worth.
That you stand up for Truth even if it means you’re standing alone.
That you know who you are and, more importantly, Whose you are.
That you would be kind and strong, gentle and fierce.
That you would live with wisdom and integrity.
That you would seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.
That you always {a.l.w.a.y.s.} remember you are wanted and you are loved.
I don’t know you yet, but I know you’re going to be a world-changer.
Just the dream of you has already changed mine.
I want to know you.
I want to hold you and watch you grow.
I want to comfort you and cheer you on.
I want to give you roots, but also give you wings.
I want to lavish you with love and watch you flourish.
So when I’m weary from the decades of enduring this chronic battle,
I’ll remind myself of this:
For you, Precious One, I fight.
With all my heart,
Mommy
