God speaks in the car

                                                                                     *Photo found on Pinterest

I was sitting quietly in the passenger seat, my head turned to look out at the passing scenery. To anyone who saw me I probably just looked like I was enjoying the view, taking it all in. That wasn't it at all though, I doubt I was even seeing what we were passing. I was too busy stewing in my anger, too annoyed and irritated to take notice of nature's beauty around us. My adorable husband wasn't aware that I had mentally declared war, he was oblivious to the battle I was enmeshed in.

Earlier we had had a disagreement, one I honestly don't think he was even aware of because I didn't actually state my opinion verbally, more so just by my body language. You know those silent cues to let the other person know they've transgressed against us… crossing our arms, angling away from them, rolling our eyes, huffing and sighing instead of just breathing normally. Well let's just say my husband innocently missed these cues and just went about doing what he wanted.

In all fairness he did nothing wrong. I should've spoken up. He wasn't even looking at me so how was he supposed to see all my silent cues? But when we're in the thick of our anger, we're very rarely able to be fair. Me? I was too piping hot to be rational in that moment. So I became an outwardly silent passenger while mentally my voice was ringing out loud.

"Why did we have to do this his way? How did he win and why did I have to lose??" were my incredibly selfish thoughts. After I stewed on those a bit then some other thoughts popped up and left me feeling conflicted, "Do I speak up or let it go? Am I setting a bad pattern for the rest of our marriage by allowing this to pass without expressing my inner upset over it? I don't want to lose my voice!" 

James 4:1-2 (MSG) says, "Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it." 

                                                                         *Photo credit - fiercemarriage.com

I grew up in church, I memorized Scripture, and I knew that my reaction to this situation was wrong. This wasn't a justified and holy anger - this was a selfish and I-just-want-it-my-way anger. But even knowing that, I still wanted to be heard, still wanted my opinion to matter. I hesitated to speak up in the car though because I worried that by doing so I would hurt his feelings. As angry and annoyed as I was, it didn't mean I wanted to hurt him. I never want to intentionally (or unintentionally) cause this wonderful man any harm. 

"God, what's the right thing to do here??"

The Holy Spirit replied by reminding me of some wise advice we had received in our pre-marital counseling. Disagreements and conflicts will arise, there's no doubt about that, but they don't have to tear us apart. They can make us stronger. So when those times come and we're not sure how to bend and come into agreement, we were told to remember, declare, and mean this statement, "I love you more than I love being right." 

Therein was my answer. I was to love him more.

More than being heard, more than being right, more than having it my way. More than being seen, more than being recognized, more than being in control.

I'm called to love him more than I love any of those things. 

It's not easy, at times it's really hard to lay my flesh down for him. But then I'm reminded of John 15:13 (NIV), " Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." This verse is most often correlated with death and I think that's why it pops into my head in these kinds of situations, because we've been called to die to ourselves/flesh. Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23ESV) Another Scripture teaches us, "And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." (Galatians 5:24ESV) Over in Ephesians 5:21 (MSG) we're told, "Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another." 

We're shown over and over again that this life we're living in Christ is not about us. It's not about being recognized, valued, or applauded. It's not about being heard, known, or seen. It's about laying our lives down, denying our flesh it's selfish desires, and loving our Savior and those He's called us to love. 

                                                                *Photo credit - enchantingsecret.muzy.com

Love is a choice and it's one that has to be made daily. I have to continuously choose to love my husband more than I love my flesh. Not because he makes it so hard that it's a daily struggle. In fact, it's quite the opposite - my husband makes it quite easy to love him. But my flesh still rears it's ugly head and I want things my own way.. it's in those moments that I have to consciously make that choice - I have to choose to love him more than myself in those times.

Micah 6:8(MSG) states, "But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what GOD is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously - take GOD seriously." The NIV translation says it this way, "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

I'm thankful that my desire to protect him from being hurt on that car ride was greater than my desire to be heard, because it kept me from speaking towards him in anger with words I would have ended up regretting. He mattered more to me than my opinion. Protecting him from being hurt is part of my privilege as his wife. I've come to realize that sometimes the thing he needs protection from most is my selfish flesh.

I'm grateful that I serve the One True God who is active and alive, the God who shows up in my daily life and speaks His Truth to me. I love that He does it in ways that grab my attention and make sense to me. I love that when my heart cries out to Him, He responds.

So I'll take these Truths and insights He's given me in regards to all this and pass them on in hopes that maybe they can help someone else who may be struggling with something similar. I'll leave the speaking and prompting of your hearts to Him.

Me? I think I'll take the time to notice nature's beauty and make up for what I missed out on during that car ride a few weeks ago…