I never thought I'd have a blog. Blogs are for smart people, people who know all their grammar and English language rules. Blogs aren't for people like me who just can't seem to remember what the purpose and difference between nouns, adverbs, adjectives, and verbs are. I mean really, shouldn't you at least be able to remember that before you write a blog??
Apparently not. That stuff doesn't seem to matter to God. He knows my weakness in this area and has still called me to start a blog. A blog, ha! I'm still getting used to this idea of His. If God and I had a face-to-face chat about this I imagine it would've gone something like this….
After talking for a while we're now just sitting and enjoying watching the rain fall. I'm thinking about the Truth of how it's the One beside me causing this weather when He calls out to me..
Hey, Andi, you know how much you love words? How it fascinates you that all you have is 26 letters in the English alphabet, yet somehow you're able to portray so much with them? I've given you that love, that feeling of awe and wonder. The way you use them to encourage others, speaking love into their lives, I've given you that too. You've opened yourself up by the letters you've been writing to your loved ones, letters to let them know how appreciated and loved they are. I'm proud of you for doing this, for loving them in this way. Now, I want you to open up even more. I want you to share your words with more people. I want you to take the words and pass them on. I want you to start a blog.
"Um…say whaaaaaa??? Are you being serious?"
Yes, I'm quite serious.
"Oh, Lord, I think You're talking to the wrong girl. I have nothing to say! I mean, I read blogs by other women of You, encouraging blogs that are insightful and inspiring. I'm just… me. What would I write about?? I don't have anything important enough to share!!"
You have Me.
"Oh. Well…yes, that's true. But I'm probably not the best person to represent You in that way. I mean, You know me - I'm a mess! I'm constantly screwing up. I move without always seeking Your direction, I swerve when I'm supposed to go straight. I don't always have nice thoughts about people. I can be judgmental and opinionated. Patience? I really screw that one up! I don't talk with You as much as I need to. I don't always love like You, I'm not always a good reflection of You. You see the real me, Father. You gotta see that people need to hear from someone better than me."
*Photo credit - fabulouslyliving.blogspot.com
In Your weakness I'm shown strong. I'll be with you, I'll give you the words. Don't be scared, I won't ask you to do this alone. Be open and I'll fill you, be willing and I'll lead you, be real and I'll be seen through you.
"Be…be real?!? You want me to… to… to show them the real me?? Oh boy, Father, I'm not so sure I can do that. I mean, I don't let everyone in for a reason! What if… what if they take a glimpse inside and then they no longer like me? What if I'm not what they think at all, what if they judge me? Oh no, that would hurt too much! Can't I just put on a happy face, say all the nice things Christians are supposed to say, and let them keep their "good girl" opinions of me? Can't that be enough?"
You are a daughter of the Most High King. You are My Beloved. You are worth dying for. I have called you by name, Child. You are Mine! You've been redeemed and sanctified. You are set apart, you are My chosen one. You have My Spirit inside of you. Do not let anyone lead you to believe lies about who you are in Me. You remember the Truth of who I say you are and do not listen to mans opinions. Show them the girl I created, the girl I died to be with, the girl I love. Let them see you so that they can see Me.
"Are you sure about this? What if I screw it up, what if I fail? "
You can do all things in Me. I'll give you the strength. Step out, Love, and shine for Me.
*Photo found on Pinterest
The rain lets up and I glimpse a rainbow in the sky. I'm reminded of His promises. Though I still have some doubts and fears, some nerves in regards to doing this, I also have a peace. His peace. I take a deep breath and I submit.
"Ok, Father. I'll obey and do what You've asked. Be with me as I do this, please?"
Always, Child. You are never alone.
So here I am, writing my first post for this blog. I never imagined doing something like this. But I gotta admit, I'm pretty darn excited about it. I have no idea what I'm doing, so I'm hoping y'all will have grace on me as I learn. I probably won't use the correct punctuation all the time. I might use the wrong spelling or even the wrong word. But I'll step out and write anyways. I'll stand up and speak regardless. Because this blog isn't about me. It's not a way to get more friends or make people love me, it's not a way to gain praise from my peers.
It's a way for me to be obedient to my Creator, a way for me to be real with y'all in a way I've never allowed myself to be before. I'll do my best to be open and real, even when it leaves me feeling raw and exposed, vulnerable to judgements. I'll let you see the happy and the sad, the confidence and the doubts, the triumphs and the struggles. I'll let you in as I simply live life. Some days it may be a post on something that impacted me, other days it may be a post on my mind wondering how God came up with the design for the platypus ('cause let's be honest, those things are strange looking.)
It's a way for me to show how God speaks in my life. To help me (and possibly you) see His beauty in the messy, the spectacular in the normal, the "aha!" in the mundane. How everything we go through, everything that happens, is a chance for us to grow in Him. How He's refining us in our everyday lives.
It's a way for me to remember that even when I feel like He's being silent in my life, that He does still speak. In a calming and gentle way, He speaks to me. He whispers in the silence.
It's a way for me to declare that it is by Him, through Him, and in Him that I live. It is by His will that I am here.
*Photo found on Pinterest
Job 33:4 states, "The Spirit of God made me what I am, the breath of God Almighty gave me life!" (MSG)
Job 33:4 states, "The Spirit of God made me what I am, the breath of God Almighty gave me life!" (MSG)
It's my prayer that I will share with all of you:
Father, come. Into me…breathe!
No comments:
Post a Comment