Keep Singing

In the past several weeks, I've been thinking a lot about how I want my faith and my love for Jesus to be the life I live. Not like it's a part of my life, but that it is my life. I want to be so engaged in His presence, so intertwined with Him that anyone who comes into contact with me, comes into contact with Him. No matter where I'm at, I want people to encounter Jesus simply by crossing my path…

*Photo found on Pinterest

I love singing to Jesus.

Whether it be at church with fellow believers, at home with my dogs, or singing along with the radio in the car. I love the feelings that come over me when I press into His presence through singing. There's such an overwhelming sense of His love to me when I put everything else aside and set my mind on Him, truly engaging in what He's doing around me and within me. 

There's been a chorus on repeat in my head the past several days:

"Holy Spirit,You are welcome here

Come flood this place & fill the atmosphere.

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for

To be overcome by Your presence, Lord."

I realized the other day that, while I'll go around the house singing it over and over freely, I'll be silent when I go out in public. When I began to think about how often this happens, I was just filled with this thought of, "No! Keep singing!" 

Now, I don't sing in front of people. I'll break out in random song around my husband or immediate family, but other than that I tend to keep my singing to myself. I'm fairly certain this is why I stop singing when I go into public places. I'm afraid of people's reactions, of what they think of my voice. This world can be cruel and I'd rather not give the haters the opportunity to hate.

On that day though, I began seeing snapshots of me at random places while still inviting Holy Spirit to be there with me. At the grocery store. At the hospital. I was just picturing me walking through these places and no longer being silent. I just kept singing. I wasn't singing loudly or in a way that would draw attention to myself. I was simply acknowledging Him and inviting Him to be with me wherever I was at. 

*Photo found on Pinterest

While seeing these flashes in my mind, I was also filled with this feeling, this certainty that while I was quietly praising Jesus as I was walking down the store aisles or walking through the hospital hallways, His presence would settle and rest upon each person that I passed. Not because of me and who I am, but because of Him and Who He is. Because He has such overwhelming love for His children and I had welcomed Him into our presence through my song.

Friends, I want that.

I'm chasing after that.

On Monday of this week, I went along to a family member's doctor appointment. As I was sitting in the waiting room while they got checked in, I began to sing that chorus and invite Holy Spirit to be there with us all. I looked at each person I could see from my seat while I sang and I silently prayed that they would feel Him in those moments.

*Photo found on Pinerest

Did anything happen to any of those people? I don't know. I'm hoping I get the answer to that question when I live in Heaven one day. :) What I do know is this - I stepped out in faith and chased after my Abba and He was pleased. I made Papa smile. Do you know what else?

You can too!

Sing His praises as you go about your day. Become aware of Him as you go from moment to moment. Welcome Him into every situation you encounter throughout your day. Consciously choose to extend Him an open invitation into your life. 

Join with me, Friends, in inviting Holy Spirit to be present in every single breath of our day. As we lift Him up, may He rest upon us and dwell among us and inhabit our praises. 

May those around us encounter Him because we make the daily choice to keep singing.

*I posted this video on Facebook this past Monday. The Holy Spirit was really just prompting me to share this message and encourage people to invite Him into their daily lives. The response was overwhelming! I was so blessed by all the kind things people were saying and so humbled in the way God used me to encourage His precious ones. I'm sharing this with you, my readers, in hopes that it will encourage you or someone you know as well. Be blessed, Friends!

Thank You, Friend

"What should we do to celebrate? We should totally celebrate!!"

"What do you want to do? How do you want to celebrate?" was my husband's response. 

Because I'm me and I love the simple life I replied,

"I want you to cook me hashbrowns for supper and buy my favorite movie, "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" and we'll watch it after we eat."

This conversation happened in our kitchen a couple weeks ago. I had been talking about how many views my blog had received at that point and how amazed I was that it had been read so many times. "into me, breathe" was between 1,600-1,700 views, which meant it was only a few hundred views away from hitting 2,000. To be honest, I was stunned. I had no idea my words would ever be read anywhere near that many times!

I'd always felt like people wouldn't care about what I had to say. I struggled with feeling insignificant and unimportant, like my voice didn't really matter. I thought God had lost His marbles when He started telling me to start a blog. Read "crazy", people. That's what I'm saying, I thought God was C-R-A-Z-Y. 

*Photo found on Pinterest.

"Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending." Crazy Love by Francis Chan

Out of all the wonderful and godly people in this world, He was choosing me. He was calling me. Little ole me from my little hometown, living my little simple life. His choice of me, His calling, is one that I'm not sure I'll ever understand. The whole thing brings to mind the first verse from Francesca Battistelli's song, "He Knows My Name".

"Spent today in a conversation

In the mirror, face to face with

Somebody less than perfect

I wouldn't choose me first if

I was looking for a champion

In fact, I'd understand if

You picked everyone before me,

But that's just not my story.

True to Who You are

You saw my heart

And made

Something out of nothing."

Little ole me from my little hometown, living my little simple life. 

Little, maybe, but not too little to escape His notice. Not too little to be His chosen one, to be used by Him. Never too little to have a purpose and a plan for my life. He saw me, He saw my little, and He called me forth into my future in Him.

It's Who He is. The One Who makes much out of our little. 

When I finally surrendered and stepped out in obedience, I had no idea the impact this blog would have on lives. I didn't know how it would touch other people's lives nor how it would affect my own. Honestly, I wasn't even sure anybody would read it. I didn't know what I'd write about. The only thing I knew was that He had set this task in my heart and I needed to do it, no matter what the outcome of it was. 

*Photo found on Pinterest

When it came to that moment of realizing my blog might actually reach 2,000 views, you better believe I wanted to celebrate! It's not just being read in the U.S. either - it's being viewed in different countries, different nations. This leaves me astounded! Not because of me, but because of Him. God's been stretching my boundaries and taking me out of my comfort zone through this whole blogging process. I wanted to celebrate the numbers because it's like He's saying, "It's worth it. Opening yourself up, being real - there's a purpose in it. Trust Me." 

I don't know each person who has read my blog and continues to do so, but I love you for it. I'm so thankful to every one of you who has taken the time to read what's on my heart. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, thank you!!

You guys don't know this, but you're literally the embodiment of a prophetic word that was spoken over me a couple of years ago. Through one of His obedient children, God told me that I would one day speak to crowds of people and that my words would go all over the world without me being present there. That I would travel there in spirit and minister to people.

I honestly had no idea what that meant until recently. I'd actually kind of forgotten about this part of the prophesy. But then God reminded me about it, about His promise in that, and has been showing me how this season of my life is a fulfillment of that prophecy over me.

Are you understanding now why I wanted to celebrate?! God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

*Photo found on middleplaces.com

Last weekend (Oct. 4th, 2014) the blog hit over 2,000 views. We set aside one evening for our celebratory date night this past week. We made our dinner, enjoyed each other's company, spent time reconnecting. Then we settled in and watched the movie. A simple celebration for a very significant moment in my life.

 As I'm writing this post now, the blog has reached 2,168 views. And it just.keeps.climbing.

God is faithful, Friends. If He's calling you to do something, then trust that He has a purpose and plan behind why He's calling. I encourage you to surrender and walk in obedience. I'm speaking from experience - God will take your little and make much of it. Let go, Friends, and enjoy the ride.

Celebrate with me! Not necessarily about the views on my blog (although I'm perfectly okay with you celebrating that), but celebrate the goodness of our Abba. This is a Truth worthy of celebration! Sing, dance.. whatever feels right. 

I love this movie!

Or get yourselves a copy of "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" and celebrate like we did. You never know, you may just encounter a new favorite movie :)

I'm writing this post for two reasons: (1) To testify to the faithfulness and goodness of my Heavenly Father and (2) to thank you, Reader. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your days. I am both honored and humbled by each and every one of you. I pray I can continue to offer encouragement and hope through my openness and honesty on here. 

*Photo found on Pinterest

Thank You, Lord, for each and every person who has read my blog. Whether they've only read it once or they've become faithful readers, I thank you for the sacrifice of their time on my behalf. I am so honored by their sacrifice, Father. I am so blessed by them all. I wish to return the blessing, Lord. Will You touch each reader as they're seeing these words? Cause Your peace to rest upon them. Saturate them in Your grace, immerse them in Your love. Help them to feel You, Abba, in such a way that it leaves them in awe. Bless these friends of mine, Lord. I love you and I'm so grateful to You. Thank You for seeing and choosing my little, Lord, and doing Your wonderful works and making it into much. Thank You for helping me step out and be real in this blog. Use me, Father, in whatever way You choose. I love you, Abba. Amen.

Sharing My Tears

For the ones eagerly awaiting your future spouse, I'm about to share with you a truth you need to understand before saying, "I do." For those in the first years of marriage and for those who are veterans in the adventures of matrimony, what I'm about to say is something I know every single one of you can attest to.

Sometimes, marriage is messy. 

*Photo found on fiercemarriage.com

When two imperfect people join their lives together, there are bound to be some mistakes. At times there are words that are spoken that we don't really mean and then there are words that we mean yet we leave them unspoken. There are unintentional hurts and inadvertent blunders. There are times when everything seems to be going fine then suddenly you feel like your world's been turned upside down and "harmony" would not be a fitting descriptive word for your marriage in these moments.

My husband and I have experienced the ickiness of this messy over the course of our marriage. One particular instance keeps coming to mind.

Somewhere between my husband's arrival home from a long day at work and our time to slip into the sweet relief of sleep, an argument developed. It was over something completely ridiculous and lasted way too long, as these types of things are prone to do. Though we were trying to move past it, we each had too tight of a grip on our pride and anger in those moments for a resolution to be found. I ended up just leaving the room, knowing we both needed some time to cool off or else the disagreement would keep escalating.

After a little cool-down break, we were finally calm enough to talk about how we were feeling. We took turns sharing what was in our hearts and digging into the underlying issues. It was a time of reconnecting and healing, a time of strengthening for our marriage. It was a messy marriage moment that turned into something far greater.

Towards the end of our talk, my husband expressed his unhappiness with the fact that he'd gotten teary-eyed and I hadn't. After he shared this, I knew I had a choice to make - I could either let him continue to believe that I'm not easily moved to tears or to confess the truth to him. You see, what he was unaware of was that I had been affected in the same way, I'd just hidden it from him. While he was open with his tears, I concealed mine by turning away from him or walking out of the room. 

I made my decision. I chose to tell the truth and be open with him, to humble myself and admit that I had also shed some tears, I just hadn't allowed him to witness them.

"I'm sorry." He said.

I looked over and into his eyes. "For what?" I asked.

His reply came to me softly. "For the times you cry and I don't notice." 

Commence the melting of my heart and the girly type swooning.

This man. The things he says. *sigh*

*Photo found on tumblr

Throughout a girl's growing up years, we're always told how men are bad at showing their emotions and how we should never expect them to allow us to see them as confused, or unsure, or hurt. We're warned to never expect to see them cry. Because it's apparently not okay for a man to cry. (And how ridiculous is that statement right there?!)

But I think us women are often guilty of this too. I know I am. We may let those closest to us see our happy and our excited, our worry and our fear. To let them see us crying though? Not gonna happen. 

I really dislike crying in front of people. I know not all women are like me, some are quite comfortable sharing their tears and I admire them for it. I, however, do what I can to avoid it. The only time I'm free with my tears (and by free I mean I'm okay with my parents or my husband witnessing them) is when I'm in one of my health attacks. At that point, I'll let the tears fall in their presence. If someone else walks into the room though, I turn my head away and try to hide the wet tear streaked cheeks that bear evidence of my pain.

*Photo found on Pinterest

I don't fully know why I do this, try to hide the fact that my tear ducts work. After some deep thinking on it, I believe part of the reason I'm this way is due to experiences in my past. I went through a really dark time a few years ago and in the trial I conditioned myself to hide the evidence of my pain. I didn't want the other person involved to know how badly they were hurting me lest they use that knowledge against me. To them, my tears and pain were a weakness, something to be ashamed of. I didn't want my pain to be mocked, so I did what I could to hide it from them. Maybe another reason I do this is because I simply don't want people to know I'm hurting. Maybe I don't want to deal with people's questions about why I'm crying. Maybe I don't trust people enough to handle my pain with care. Maybe it's a combination of them all? At this point all I know for sure is that I do not want people to see me cry. 

What I'm learning though is this - when we're free to share these precious parts of ourselves, we're at a place where we're able to simply be ourselves.

In the sharing, there is freedom.

Here's something I find somewhat ironic - I love stories where I get to see the hero wiping away his lady's tears. When he cups her cheek in his hand and uses his thumb to catch the evidence of her pain, that's such a romantic gesture to me. Where's the irony? It's found in the fact that I love that moment, yet I rob my husband of being that hero for me.

What God revealed to me as I reflected on our initial argument and the discussion that followed was this - when I refuse to allow my husband to see me cry, I rob him of something far deeper than merely witnessing my tears. I steal his role as hero, champion, and protector. By hiding my pain, I refuse my prince the chance of slaying his princess' dragons. I rob my husband, myself, and our marriage of a beautiful, romantic, powerful, and intimate moment. 

So this is me, deciding that a change must occur. I do not want to cheat my love from being my hero in all ways. He is a man who's proven himself worthy of my trust. My tears will be safe in his hands, of this I have no doubts.

*Photo credit - www.LivingWellSpendingLess.com

Do any of you struggle with this too, the desire to hide your tears from others? I'd love to hear your stories. I don't want this blog to just be me talking and you listening. I want to interact with you. Connect with you. Live life with you.

So, Friends, will you join me in the journey to discover the freedom that awaits us once we open ourselves up and let others see the tears we sometimes need to let fall?

what are you waiting for?

I recently updated the music on my iPod. Along with adding some of my newer music, I also added some older songs I love. I had it on shuffle the other day as I was cleaning my house and Natalie Grant's, "What Are You Waiting For" song came on (you can click on the song title to listen to it, if you'd like.) I've always enjoyed this song and I feel challenged each time it plays. My favorite lyrics are these words:

"But then I stop and to myself I say,

'So you wanna change the world,

What are you waiting for?

Say you're gonna start right now,

What are you waiting for?

It only takes one voice

So come on now and shout it out!

Give a little more,

What are you waiting for?'"

As I sang along while washing the countertops, I thought about what a changed world might look like. Could it happen and, if so, how?

*Photo found on Pinterest

This world we're living in now can be such a harsh and cruel place to be. We've learned at a young age the lesson of putting up our guards to protect ourselves from the pain that comes from people's unmet expectations of us. We've grown up in a society that has taught us that if we don't look a certain way, behave a certain way, live a certain way then we're simply not a person worth knowing. If we're not among the best, then we shouldn't even bother, because good isn't good enough.

We're living in a world that is constantly pitting us against each other. We're being made to feel like life is just one big unending competition. You against everyone else. 

The woman you always pass in the grocery store aisle? You need to look better than her.

The guy in the cubicle beside yours? You need to make more sales than him.

Those parents with the three children all under the age of four who are misbehaving in public? Your kids need to behave better than theirs.

That kid at school who dresses odd and is always alone? You need to be higher on the social ladder than them.

We're no longer comrades on this journey of life together, we're now contestants seeking ways to stay one step ahead of each other.

*Photo found on inspirationformoms.com

Because I'm trying to be open and honest in this blog, raw and real with all of you, I have something to confess:

Some days, I struggle with viewing you all as my competition.

*Groan* Oh, I hate telling you that. I would much rather you think of me as one who has matured and moved beyond this silliness, but alas, that would be a lie. Some days I get sucked into the comparison mentality that our society is constantly shoving at me. 

Listening to that song by Ms. Grant prompted me to contemplate how the world can be changed. More specifically, how I can be a part of that change. And while there are numerous things my brain could've settled on, this thought is the one that is ringing most true to me right now:

To change the world, I must first change me.

How do I do that? My personal conviction is that it starts in my brain. I need to change the things that I think, the ways that I think. Instead of passing judgement without ever even knowing people's stories, I need to offer grace without their story being necessary. I need to mentally see others as good and beautiful and wonderful exactly how they are. Instead of internally comparing myself with them in a way that makes me the "better person", I need to be a better person and stop comparing us at all. 

*Photo found on Etsy

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." I'm sure you've all seen that quote somewhere or other in your lifetime. While it may be over quoted these days, the message behind it remains valid. I believe that the world will change if we ourselves are willing to undergo a change to begin it.

What if instead of judgmental thoughts, we give grace? What if instead of anger, we extend mercy? What if instead of competing against each other, we encourage one another onward? What if instead of living lives steeped in comparisons, we live lives immersed in Love?

I don't want to feel as though I'm competing against you, Friends.

*Photo credit - hgifford.blogspot.com

So to the woman in the grocery store aisle who has messy hair and is dressed in loungeing-around-all-day clothes, to you I say this - you're beautiful. I have no idea what's happened in your day that has you rushing around so fast and looking so frazzled, but I'm going to look beyond that to see the beauty that is you. I'm not going to judge you, I'm going to silently cheer you on. You go girl, you've got this! In return, if we happen to cross paths one day and my hair's obviously not been styled and I'm looking quite distressed, maybe you could extend the same grace to me? Because, Friend, I'm no longer your competition.

To the parent in the public place who's cringing in embarrassment because your child is the one throwing the massive tantrum, to you I say this - don't be embarrassed on my account. I'll no longer be sitting there casting silent judgements on your parenting skills. I'm not a parent so I'm only able to imagine how stressful this moment may be for you. Instead of getting annoyed at your child's disruptive behavior, I'm going to extend grace and understanding. Though I don't know the story of how and why your child came to behave in such a way, I choose to love you and your screaming little one. Be at peace, Friend. I'm sure it must've been a rough day. You've got a cheerleader in me - hang in there, you're going to be fine! In return, if someday God blesses me with little ones of my own and you happen to catch us on a baby-missed-their-nap-and-they're-screaming-their-displeasure-to-the-world type of day, could you remember this moment and extend the grace back to me? Because, Friend, I'm no longer your competition.

To the one standing all alone in a crowd of people, looking lost and awkward, to you I say this - I see you. I see you and I want to get to know you. I want to hear your story. You matter. I'm not going to question why no one else is talking to you or assume that you must be weird and that's why you're alone. I won't compare you and I, how you're alone and I'm hanging with friends. No, instead I'm going to be thankful that you're not otherwise occupied because it gives me the honor and opportunity of talking to you myself. Maybe you're just shy or unaccustomed to meeting new people. That's ok. I've been there. So I'm going to come include you because I think you're worth it. In return, if we should meet again and our roles are reversed, meaning I'm now the one standing alone and looking awkward, could you extend some grace and friendship to me? Because, Friend, I'm no longer your competition.

I'm going to work on changing my way of thinking. And I think there's going to be such freedom in the change.

You're no longer my competition, Friends…

And I'm no longer yours.

*Photo found on Pinterest

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time…

This familiar phrase is the prelude to many a childhood story. Personally, when I hear these words they prompt a reel of characters from kids movies to start rolling through my mind. I see Ariel and Prince Eric, Belle and Beast, Peter Pan and Wendy, Tarzan and Jane, Pongo and Perdita, Rapunzel and Eugene (Flynn), Jasmine and Aladdin, Cinderella and Prince Charming, … the list goes on and on. 

One of our engagement photos. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography

It's safe to say that, for me, the phrase, "once upon a time" brings to mind fairy-tales. I don't know about you, but I love these fairy-tales. There's something about watching these characters' and childhood friends' stories that just makes me feel good. Even as an adult, I enjoy watching the adventures of my longtime Disney and Pixar friends. It's the quirky characters, the talking animals, the crazy adventures, the simplicity in the love story… and of course, the catchy tunes. (You can't see me so I'll just have to tell you - that last part has me smiling and winking at you, Friends.)

Maybe most of all, it's the love story. These stories just wouldn't be as good to me without the love story. The characters lives completely change all because of love. Call me a dork, but I get happy when these couples finally fall in love. I don't care how many times I've seen the movie, that part makes me smile every. single. time.

When Charming chooses the "servant girl" Cinderella. When Belle's love transforms Beast back to a man. When Ariel trades the sea and all she's known for a life with Eric. When Jane lets go of what society will think and jumps out of the boat to swim back to Tarzan. When Flynn changes his thieving ways and becomes a hero for Rapunzel. I love those moments. Those life changing moments. More accurately, those lives that are changed by love. I don't care that they're kids movies, I thoroughly enjoy them.

One of our engagement photos. Photo Credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography

As a young girl, I fully believed I had a "Prince Charming" waiting for me somewhere. That someday we'd meet and fall in love and our lives would be forever changed. That it would be beautiful and perfect. As I grew up, my vision of it altered, but my belief in it didn't. I just knew that one day my prince would come…

On your quest for your Knight in Shining Armor, beware. You'll come across men who seem to fit the description, but in time the truth will be revealed that they're actually just boys in tin foil.

Growing up, my greatest dream, the deepest desire of my heart was to be a wife and mother. I didn't dream of a career, of traveling, of what others perceived as exciting adventures. I dreamt of a simple life lived for the Lord with a godly husband by my side and littles ones surrounding us. A dream maybe too plain for some girls, but it was the perfect life for me. 

When I was single at twenty-two, I began to fear I'd been deceived. If he was really out there, what was taking him so long to find me? Would my dream ever be reality, would I ever see the longing of my heart come to be? If this is the life God had for me… where on earth was the guy??

One of our wedding day photos. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography

I went through a season of despair, a season of questions and doubts. I feared that I'd been robbed of my future - the godly husband, the children, the simple life I dreamt of. I felt very discontent and unhappy with my life. I struggled to let go of my dreams of the life I wanted, to surrender them to God. 

I very clearly remember crying to Him in prayer, saying, "I'm scared to give my dreams to You because what if You don't give them back?!" I knew in my heart that His plans for my future would be far greater than anything I could imagine, but my brain simply couldn't fathom something being better than what I'd always dreamt of. For weeks I battled this internal war. Hold tight to these dreams or trust them in God's hands. I was desperate to be obedient to Him, I longed for the ability to fully trust Him.

In the midst of this struggle, I searched for books to help me. My fear was that God was going to call me to a life of singlehood and, though it wasn't what I asked Him for, I wanted to be content in that place of life. I wanted to be at peace with whatever God called me to. I came across a book by Leslie Ludy called, "Sacred Singleness". I believe God used this book to help me surrender my dreams to Him. I won't go into details of the book, but I will say that if any of you are going through a similar struggle to the one I faced or if you know someone who is, I highly recommend Mrs. Ludy's book. It helped change my perspective on being single and to see that there are marvelous blessings in that stage of life.

*Image via Cuppa Joy Lady

I finally felt I was at a place where I could accept what God had for me. I won't say that I was necessarily excited about being single, but I was able to find joy in the surrendering of my dreams. Which isn't to say it was easy. I'm pretty sure my prayer went something like, "I want to be obedient to what You call me to in life. But I'm not strong enough to let go of these dreams so I'm just gonna open my hands and I need You to take them from me." 

I think an honest prayer is beautiful to God. 

Before my surrender, I felt consumed with thoughts of the faceless guy I was waiting for. No matter what I was doing, it was always there in the back of my mind, the wondering about who he would be, where he is, how we'd meet, etc. I couldn't shut the thoughts off, they just whirled in my brain day in and day out. With the endless thoughts came the feeling of discontentment, because if I'm always waiting and longing for what's coming next, how can I be content where I'm at? The thoughts also led to worry for me. I kept thinking about how on earth I was going to meet this guy because I didn't really go anywhere or do anything that would cause me to bump into him. Plus, I'm of the firm belief that the man should pursue the woman, not the other way around. It was torture for my heart to have my mind so enmeshed with the negativity I was struggling with.

After the surrender though, I could finally think clearly again. If any of those thoughts or wonderings would come, I was able to cut them off by reminding myself that I had surrendered my future to God. "Not my will, but Yours be done, Lord" became my constant prayer. I had such a sense of peace in the surrendering. The dreams and desires to be a wife and mother never went away, I just no longer felt controlled by them. They were things I still wanted, but I wanted more to live the life God was calling me to, whether it included a husband and children of my own or not.

One of our wedding day photos. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography

In the surrender I also found peace with the knowledge that, if God did have a husband for me, than I needed to leave the pen in His hands and trust Him to write us a beautiful Love Story. I didn't want to be in charge of that, I wasn't any good at it. In my quest for Prince Charming, I'd only met frauds. Guys who made promises they didn't keep, said words they didn't mean. Manipulative and controlling. Using my feelings as a weapon against me. (Side note - that kind of makes it sound like I dated lots of guys or something, but I didn't. I only had one boyfriend growing up. I'm not speaking against anyone who's had numerous dating relationships, I'm just clarifying that I wasn't one of them.) I had already been hurt and I didn't want to take that path again. I hadn't lost my belief that there were good and godly men in the world, I just felt that, sadly, they were the minority in the male species. So I asked God to be in charge if that was something He had for me.

I am living proof that when you surrender to Him and move out of His way, He will do great and wonderful things in your life. You may not recognize them as such right away, but in time you'll be able to look back and notice them. You'll be able to pinpoint the moments, pick out those times when God stepped in and did a work on your behalf. You'll begin to recognize His fingerprints all over you.

Our first picture together as an official couple <3

On August 30th, 2012 I received a friend request from JRB. Roughly one year later, we became Mr. and Mrs. Blair. I didn't feel the strokes of the pen as God wrote our Love Story on that August day. I thought I'd just acquired a new "friend" that I'd probably never actually talk to. Boy, was I wrong!

As much as I love those Disney and Pixar characters I mentioned at the beginning of this post, those fictional characters don't hold a candle to my husband. This is a status I posted after we returned from our honeymoon. Read it and be encouraged - good men do still exist!

"I'm not one who normally shares my personal life on here, but there are some things that are just worth opening myself up for to share…

We all know the importance of words. They can create a beautiful beginning or a heart wrenching ending, they can heal or they can break. They can cause laughter or heartache, feelings of love or feelings of dislike. Words are powerful and the world tends to be pretty careless with this sharp weapon.

JRB and I have committed together to always strive to use our words for good, not harm. We never want to cause each other pain with our words. We try everyday to only lift each other up, never tear each other down.

JRB is very open and intentional in the words he uses towards me. The ones I frequently hear since he entered my world - "you're beautiful…you're amazing… I love you… it's a privilege to love you and I'm glad I'm the one who gets to do it… I'll always be here, I'll never leave you… you're stronger than you think, you can do this… you could have no make-up on and not do your hair when you walk down the aisle to me and you'd still be the most beautiful bride…"

I love his words. He's such an encouragement to me. But even with how much I love these words of his, there are some I love even more.. "Father, please touch her body. Give her comfort and rest. Heal this sickness. Be with her, Lord." There's a very real intimacy involved in prayer…

On the last night of our honeymoon I got really sick. Pain, nausea, panic attack. The whole works. Lots of crying and pleading for it to go away. I took my meds then laid on the bed with my heating pad, reciting Scripture and praying to Jehovah-Rapha (God Who Heals.) The whole time, JRB laid beside me, held my hand, and prayed with me. My drugs eventually knocked me out and when I woke up about 45 minutes later, it was to the sound of my husband's voice. While I had slept, he continued to pray over me. The feeling I got when the knowledge of what he had done sank in.. to know my husband went to battle for me, fighting the enemy through his continuous praying over me filled me with such a sense of peace and knowing that I am truly and deeply loved. I heard a description of a man once that a girl always prayed to marry and that night I fully grasped why she'd want that. Because that night her request became my reality. That night, JRB became my Warrior Poet.

For all you girls waiting on love, wondering what's taking it so long - my advice is this. Let go and let God lead him to you. I know it's hard. I've been there. But if you'll listen to one who's been in your shoes then please listen now - the man God has for you (if indeed that is His plan for you) is a man worth waiting for. Love Him so that when this man does make an entrance into your world, you're able to love him better. Because a love like this, a love story that God writes… nothing else can compare to it."

I share all this in hopes of offering encouragement and hope to anyone who may be facing the struggles I myself have faced. 

We can trust Him with our dreams, Friends. He has proven Himself to be so worthy of our trust and obedience. I don't know what God's plan for you is. I won't promise that there's a spouse and children in your future. I won't promise that you're going to have your dream career or travel to all the places you want to see. I'm not God, those aren't things I know nor are they things I can promise. What I can do is tell you that, no matter what, God does have a plan for you and whatever it is, it's going to be greater than anything you can imagine.

One of our wedding day photos. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography

If you're struggling with the days, weeks, months, or even years of being single, may I tell you that there is a grand design and purpose to that period of your life? I know it's hard. Girl, do I ever know it's hard! But I encourage you to embrace this phase of your life, cherish the freedoms you have. The point of being single isn't just to wait to no longer be single.There is something far greater for you to pursue in this season of life, Someone far greater than a future spouse. 

Ask God to reveal His purpose, to guide you in His plans for you. Surrender those things you're holding onto so tightly. There is such beauty in the surrendering, such peace in the letting go. What I've learned is that when I'm holding on tightly to my own plans, dreams and desires, I'm unable to grasp onto what God is giving me. If my hands are too full of me, I can't grab a hold of Him.

This weekend JRB and I will be celebrating our one year wedding anniversary. To some this may seem like a "no big deal" occasion. "One year? Big whoop", some may say. But to a girl who once feared she'd never see her dream of being a wife to a godly man become her reality, this is a day to be celebrated and cherished! Because of my marriage to my wonderful husband, I can confidently say, "Don't worry! Good and godly men do still exist!!"

Our upcoming anniversary is what prompted me to write this post. I was thinking back on the days before JRB entered my life and remembering those days of doubts and angst. I was marveling at how my whole world changed after surrendering my dreams to God. Not over night, but it wasn't months later either. To me, it was almost like God whispered to my heart, "This is all I've been waiting for, Child. Your surrender. Now I can move you forward into the future I have for you."

We had another photo shoot after I chopped my hair off :) Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography

Your story may not look like mine. What happens after you surrender may be quite different than what happened with me. That's ok, Friend. Our stories are unique. They're being lovingly written by a marvelous Creator. Embrace your story. Live your story. Trust Him with the writing of your story.

We can leave the pen in His hands, not only to write our Love Stories, but our Life Stories too. He's a far better Author than you or I...

Fun photo shoot. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography