{but if not}

Are you familiar with the Bible story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? {Daniel chapter 3} These three men were Jews whose homeland was conquered, resulting in them being taken as captives to Babylon. The Lord was still looking after them, though, and placed them in service of the king, which later led to other promotions.

As so often happens, others became jealous of Rach, Shach, and Benny, causing them to seek out ways to get rid of the Jews. They convinced the king to have an image of gold set up and a decree proclaimed that “..as soon as you hear..all kinds of music, you must fall down and worship the image of gold.. Whoever does not.. will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.” (v.4-6NIV)

Rach, Shach, and Benny were among those who were summoned to assemble for the dedication of this new statue. When the music sounded and the crowd around them bowed, these three Jews remained on their feet, resulting in them being brought before King Nebuchadnezzar for questioning. He asked them, “Is it true.. that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up?.. But if you do not worship it, you will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?” (v.14-15)

Their response is pretty inspiring - “.. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it.. But even if he does not, we want you to know.. we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (v.16-18) In King Nebby’s anger, he ordered the furnace to be fired up seven.times.hotter and the Jews to be bound and thrown in. At that point, the furnace was so hot that the men who threw Rach, Shach, and Benny into it were killed from the extreme heat.

King Nebby suddenly jumped to his feet and cried out in amazement,  “..I see four men walking around in the fire..and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.” (v.25) He then called for the Jews to come out of the fire and when they walked out unharmed {their hair wasn’t singed, they had no burns upon their skin, their clothes weren’t scorched, and they didn’t even smell like smoke} he gave praise to the God of Rach, Shach, and Benny, “who had sent his angel and rescued his servants.” (v.28) 

I’ve always loved this particular Bible story. When I read about the three Jews refusing to bow to the statue and about God's subsequent display of power when He rescued them, I get goosebumps. I wonder - were their knees shaking, their palms sweating, or their hearts pounding as they stood there among the kneeling crowd...?

There are so many good things we can pull from this story, but for today my heart is captured by and focused on one small phrase found in the Jews’ response to the king:

But if not {paraphrased}

Those few words pack a mighty punch and are quite a powerful example to us. We all face dark days that present us with the choice to either bow to the pressures of this life or to stand with faith despite the hard times. When it’s our turn to choose, what might it look like if we responded like Rach, Shach, and Benny?

I know my God is able to fill my barren womb, but if He does not, I will not bow to discontentment nor kneel before despair.

I know my God is able to remove my financial strains, but even if He doesn’t, I will not serve dishonesty nor entertain the character of cheating.

I know my God is able to heal me of all sickness, but if not, I will not prostrate myself before the idol of anger nor will I fix my eyes on the figure of hopelessness or tune my ears to the voice of doubt.

We know that anything we place higher than God becomes an idol, a false god. Whether it be time, money, an emotion, etc. When it becomes our main priority, when that's where our eyes are focused and what our energy is geared towards, that's when we place it in a position that belongs solely to the Lord. So the idols we build today aren't always constructed of material things, but sometimes from the worth and the power we bestow them in our minds.

Before we're able to confidently respond like those three Jewish men when it was their time to choose, Dear Ones, perhaps we must first ask ourselves an important question:
is our love for God and our faith in Him dependent on how He answers our prayers...?

When the hard times come and the days are filled with clouds and rain, it's how we respond that denotes our choice. Do we push through the emotions and hold tight to Truth or do we bow to the negative thoughts and feelings that the enemy swarms us with? I know too often I've allowed myself to reside within the latter category.

Through those times that I've chosen unwisely, I've discovered a truly beautiful and amazing thing about God - when we find ourselves on the ground and already bowing low despite knowing we shouldn't, wanting to stand but with no strength to do so, He reaches down with tender mercy and gently pulls us back up to our feet.

Simply because He loves us.

I don’t know what your situation is, Friend. I don’t know what idols have been placed before you with demands that you bow. What I do know is this - I’m rooting for you. If you're like me, then you don’t want a wishy-washy faith that falls apart when faced with the trials this life brings. I pray that when it’s your time to choose {and if you find yourself with shaking knees, clammy hands, and a pounding heart} your feet will stay firmly planted and your mouth will confidently proclaim... 

but if not, I will.not.bow.

< Artist at Work >

It happened on Tuesday, February 28th, 2017. The day started out innocently enough, lulling me into a false sense of security. My morning was fine and I was happy. After I sat down to eat lunch, though, the day took a drastic turn. I began having horrible abdominal pain that kept increasing in intensity rather than easing up. I took a pain pill, got my heating pad in place, and summoned my husband home from work. Usually, I can handle the pain on my own, but this time I knew it wasn’t safe for me to be alone.

My medication and heating pad seemed useless, neither being able to bring my pain levels down. Instead, everything just kept getting worse. I’m so thankful JRB was there to care for me because when I suddenly went spiraling into a panic attack, it was him who held me and pulled me back from the black hole. When I simply couldn’t take the pain any longer, he called my momma and they rushed me to the ER at midnight [and that’s the reason we chose to be my parents’ neighbors.]

*Heartbreak’s a bitter sound

Know it well, it’s ringing in my ears

And I can’t understand

Why I’m not fixed by now

Begged and I have pleaded

Take this pain, but I’m still bleeding*

At times I feel ill-equipped to endure this constant battle. After these attacks, I’m left with a body that feels like it’s taken numerous punches and kicks without any defensive padding. My insides feel bruised and tender, while my outsides look gaunt and strained. It can take weeks for my body to bounce back to its normal {which is in a zip code far, far away from a healthy person’s.}

It’s at these times that I often find myself returning to God with my questions of “why is this happening?” and “will it ever be over?” These are the times when I simply don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what all God is doing, so it’s in moments like these that I must rely on faith and trust. I have to hold tight to His promise that He knows His plans for me and that He’s working all this out for good.  

If you’ve read more of my blog than just this one post, then I’m sure you’re aware that I have a chronic illness. You also probably know that we have absolutely no idea why I’m sick or what causes me to go into my attacks. I’ll now let you in on the knowledge that nothing has changed in that regard. While God has answered my prayers for peace and joy in the midst of all this, I’m still in the waiting for my full healing.

*Heart trusts You for certain

Head says it’s not working*

When I purchased Danny Gokey’s new album and heard the song, “Masterpiece” for the first time I had to put it on repeat. I listened to that song over and over, just standing in place and marveling at the message within the lyrics. The pure beauty of it brought tears to my eyes. I was so touched by the image the song crafted in my head, the idea that I am a masterpiece of God. Just - wow…

Have you ever watched an artist at work? No matter what medium or matter they’re using, they take something so ordinary and plain, turning it into this thing of beauty when they’re done. Sometimes it’s a long and grueling process involving lots of sweat and tears. The artist pours their heart and soul into their artwork, leaving a touch of themselves behind in each thing they craft. It’s truly inspiring to watch them work. 

Where there was once nothing worth noticing, they create and leave behind something that inspires wonder and awe.

The lyrics to this song of Mr. Gokey’s gave me a visual of that. Of the Great Artist with His crafting tools, molding and shaping His creation into a bearer of His great beauty. Removing the flaws, smoothing out the rough edges, repairing any smudged areas. I just have this image of myself standing in front of Him while He paints on me with a smile on His face. And I wonder…

Is this illness merely a vibrant red, put there to draw the eye to the masterful hands that painted it? Are these trials just shades of blue and green, specifically placed to inspire the viewer to seek out the Artist? Perhaps the things that cause me to question Him are vibrant strokes of purples and teals that are designed to lead to a deeper understanding of the One Who wielded the paintbrush. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve been looking at this all wrong…

*You’re making a masterpiece

You’re shaping the soul in me

You’re moving where I can’t see

And all I am is in Your hands

You’re taking me all apart

Like it was Your plan from the start

To finish Your work of art for all to see

You’re making a masterpiece*

I don’t know about you, Friends, but I want that. I want to be viewed as a beautiful work of art, one that showcases the Artist’s brilliance from every angle. I want my life to bear His signature so that all who see me will know Who created me. I want to be painted in mercy’s hue, with grace and humility’s colors mixing in. I want bold splashes of kindness, honor, patience, and respect to exist on me. I want Him to paint with strokes of generosity and honesty. I want every layer and every stroke to be sealed with the vibrancy of Love.

I don’t know how the rest of my story will play out. I don’t know what the Artist will do next, what process He’ll take me through to make me an even better work of Him. The artwork doesn’t question the artist, though, it merely sits and allows the artist free reign to do with it as they will. I want to be a creation who does the same - peacefully rests and trusts the process as the Creator does His thing.

*Guess I’m Your canvas

Beautiful black and blue

Painted in mercy’s hue

I don’t see past this, but You see me now

Who I’ll be then there at the end

Standing there as Your masterpiece*

Bonus Bit - On the Friday after the Tuesday attack, I went to Ohio for a Casting Crowns, Danny Gokey, and Unspoken concert. I went in faith, praying I wouldn't relapse while gone. By the time Friday came, I hadn't eaten anything besides a couple of bananas since Tuesday at noon, so I was extremely weak. Also, my torso was screaming at me the whole trip, sending intense shots of pain on top of the steady throbbing I was already experiencing. Despite all that, though,  the concert was amazing and I'm so thankful I got to go. At the end of the night, God crazy blessed me when He maneuvered me into a place where Danny Gokey walked right up to my parents, husband, and I. Can you tell by this picture how insanely excited I was?! Danny's music has had a huge impact on my life, encouraging me in the times when I really struggle with my chronic illness. I'm pretty sure I could write an individual post for each of his songs (so keep your eyes peeled, more will be coming *wink wink*). Meeting him after the horrible week I had.. I call it a God-kiss. A way that God showed me how much He loves me, blessing me in the midst of the struggle.

So, Mr. Gokey, if ever you should somehow come across this post - thank you. For using your gifts and talents to honor Him and bring glory to His name. And for breaking the rules and taking this picture with me :) God bless!

*All areas surrounded by asterisks (*) are lyrics from Danny Gokey's song, "Masterpiece"