Dear You,
Beautiful. Precious. Marvelous you.
*Image available for sale on Etsy
Yes, I mean you. The one who's using a smile to mask the pain you're in these days. Something has you feeling so overwhelmed and you're afraid this torment is just never going to end. The only reason you smile is because you don't want the world to see you crying. “Never let ‘em see you cry” is your motto.
I see you, Friend. I see you there putting on a happy face and trying to fool the world. I see the real you, the one behind the forced smile, the one who doesn't feel like smiling at all. I see the tears pooling in your eyes, the ones you're fighting so hard to keep from falling. I see you standing so tall and proud, appearing unaffected to those who don't really see you. And I see the hurt that comes when those same eyes look over you, around you, beyond you but never at you like you need them to.
There's a plea for help in every, "I'm fine" that you mutter. There's so much pain behind your forced laughter. And every sigh that passes through your lips has a silent scream nestled inside.
Getting up each morning is a struggle because you're not certain you're strong enough to get through another day. Life doesn't stop because of your heartache though so you face this new day with your mask firmly in place before stepping out into the world. This is a burden you bear alone, nobody else is allowed behind your shield of fake happiness. Only when you're by yourself do you let down your guard. It’s only when there is no chance of discovery that you finally let yourself feel. You've cried so many tears it seems you should've run out of liquid by now but somehow your body still keeps leaking more...
Sound familiar to you? Perhaps you’re the you I’m writing this letter to. And maybe you’re now wondering how I know these things. The answer is simple: I see myself in your haunted eyes. The image in your iris is a reflection of a girl I used to see daily in the mirror. You think I’ve just described you, when the truth is I really just described myself.
I used to feel so alone in my heartache. While there were people who knew what was going on, there were still things I wasn’t telling anyone. Pain I was feeling that I was trying to protect others from. Because when I hurt, the ones who love me hurt too. I was trying to shield them as much as I could.
And God, He felt so far away. I still believed the Truth that says He’s always with me, always near, but I couldn’t feel Him. There were days it felt like Heaven had closed it’s ears, that my prayers were just bouncing off the sky. My faith felt so little, so weak. As if one more bad thing happening would cause me to lose my grip. I clung tightly to Him, praying He’d hold tight to me too if my grip should start to slip.
The enemy of my soul was on the war path. He had a mission: destroy me. Separate me from God. Do whatever he could to cause me to turn away from my Abba. Because he wants to derail God’s plan from unfolding in the lives of God’s children. He doesn’t want us walking in our God-given destinies. He doesn’t want us to fulfill the purposes and tasks God has set before us. So he attacks us, waging war on our minds and bodies, looking for any little crack where he can slip in and start releasing his filth into our lives.
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6:12)
They say hindsight is 20/20 and I’m inclined to believe them {whoever they are…?} Because while I was going through that bleak time in my life, I couldn’t see God in the midst of the struggle, but now that I’ve moved beyond it, I can look back and see His presence all over it. His light was piercing the darkness, despite my mind’s eye being blind to it happening.
A shaft of light shone in every time Momma wrapped me in a hug.
God whispered He loved me each time the phrase left my dad’s lips.
He was there in a stranger’s smile, in my horses’ happy neighs of greeting.
The random texts from friends that offered encouragement and prayers.
Each time my sister sacrificed her time alone to be with me instead.
He moved through my brother’s actions, him being Jesus with skin on (as my pastor likes to say.)
He comforted me in my snuggles with my dogs.
He used the mundane, the ordinary, the every-day moments. He didn’t answer my prayers in one big obvious way, but rather in a thousand little hidden ones. Heaven’s ears were never closed to me. He was moving and working on my behalf the whole time.
Darling One, He’s doing the same for you. You may not be able to see it now, but He’s got great things in store for you. You’ve been toiling and fighting so long, trying to get where you need to be. Maybe the fight’s been going on so long that you’ve given up and let go of faith. Maybe you’ve bought into the enemies lies that God’s given up and let go of you. Or perhaps you’ve never even spoken to Jesus before, but you’ve begun to feel a desire to.
Do you know what one of my favorite things about Jesus is? It’s that He meets us right where we are. All we have to do is call on His name and He is there. There is no journey to get there, no list of tests we must first pass. We don’t have to qualify or prove we’re good enough. He wants us. He wants you, the you you are right.this.minute. He loves us. He loves you. You. Exactly as you are.
My husband’s working on different home projects while I write this post. He has music playing out in the kitchen and David Crowder’s song, “Come As You Are” just came on. How fitting these lyrics for this post…
Come out of sadness
From wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner, come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
Life may be hard right now and you may be struggling to see the light. It may feel like there’s no end in sight, but I want you to know something, Lovely One - there is hope. He is Hope.
That Hope is available to you. Along with His peace that passes all understanding, His joy that holds true despite life’s sorrows. He has so much He wants to give you. All you have to do is reach out and grab hold.
Tell me, Friend… what have you got to lose?
*Photo found on Pinterest
[[[If you’ve never met Jesus before, I encourage you to look up the “Roman Road to Salvation”. It’s a compilation of Scriptures that walk you through the journey of surrendering to Him. If after reading it you still have questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’d love to help you if I can.]]]
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