with a Grateful Heart

Over the weekend I started mentally writing this blog post. For me, the process starts when a thought gets triggered by something and I follow it’s path, seeing where it takes me. And while I’m on the trail, I’m mentally writing. Choosing and changing words, figuring out the correct grammar and punctuation. This is just my method, I have no clue how others do it.

*Photo found on Pinterest

My latest thought trail was on thankfulness. Since I was considering writing about the things I’m thankful for, I was trying to figure out how exactly I'd do this. I could never list it all, so I would need to wheedle my list down for the purpose of a blog post. I decided on sharing with you all a little about the four amazing people I grew up with and the one who gave me his last name. Giving you a little glimpse at how blessed I am to have them in my life and why I’m so very thankful for them.

Then I got to thinking how, due to it being the week of Thanksgiving, there will probably be tons of others posting about thankfulness. Maybe sharing their own lists or just writing on what being thankful means to them. My social media newsfeed is already filled with thankfulness posts. And as we sit around the table during the holiday, we’ll take turns sharing what we’re thankful for (or at least that’s my family’s tradition… what do you and yours do?)

Knowing that so many others would be writing and talking about this same thing, it began to seem that a post on thankfulness this week would be so… blasé, so “of course she wrote that”, so “duh!”. I didn’t like the thought of doing what everyone else was doing, so I figured I just wouldn’t do it. I could write it some other time, maybe. It would just be so cliche (I wrote that last part with a very sarcastic and mock horror tint towards myself, Friends…)

Then, as I was driving home after feeding the equine herd this morning, there was a check in my spirit. 

Acknowledging all He's done for me and thanking Him for it is never a mundane thing. No matter what week it is or what holiday is approaching or if everybody else is writing about the same topic or not - I am called to “give thanks, for the Lord is good. His love endures forever!” And there is absolutely nothing cliche about that.

*Photo found on Pinterest

So with the check to my spirit, my heart also experienced a necessary shift and I’m once again eager to write this post because I want to tell the world how incredibly good my God is.

We're told to count our blessings and I think it's important to do so because it helps keep our hearts in a place of gratefulness. When we're focused on all the things He's already done for us, on the many things He's given us, it's hard to remain worried or unhappy. Giving Him thanks brings us peace. At least, that's always been my experience. It takes my attention off of the things I'm wanting in the future and helps remind my heart to trust Him because of how well He's always taken care of me before.

There are so very many things I’m thankful for, I could never list them all! Just a few would be:

Salvation. Redemption. Grace.

Indoor plumbing. Working vehicles.

Friends. Best Friends. Pets.

Mercy. Forgiveness.

Yumminess of tomatoes.

Trials that draw me closer to Him.

Clean water. Popcorn.

Hearing ears. Seeing eyes. Working limbs.
Warm socks. Gloves. Scarves. Coats.

Love. Laughter. Trips down memory lane.

Good paying jobs. A home built with love.

The list is never ending! And while I could continue to type out thing after thing that I truly am thankful for, I'd rather tell you about some of the people I’m thankful for.

So without further ado, let me share with you about five of the most amazing people I know.

My Daddy

The first man to ever put stars in my eyes. And all my life, he’s steadily supported me in chasing those stars, however they may appear to me.  Whenever the adventure gets tough or the journey seems scary and just too much for me to take on, he’s the one I seek out to have pray over me. I love to hear my dad pray. There’s something so immensely comforting in it to me, something so soothing. His voice reminds me of a gentle thunder, it holds a reassuring power for me.  And the times when he’s moved to tears while praying over my health - well that just makes this girl feel incredibly loved and wanted. Oh, and his laugh! I absolutely adore when this man laughs... it's so contagious and genuine and just makes me laugh right along with him...

My Momma

The depth of my mother’s love humbles me. Through every season of life, she’s.been.there! In the season of learning to walk and learning to talk, she was my teacher. In the season of learning to read, she was my audience. In the season of teen-dom, she was my counselor. In the season of change from child to adult, she was my role model. In the season of heart bruises and betrayals, she was my constant hug. In the season of stepping out in faith and taking chances, she was my cheerleader. And in this whole season of my illness, for the past long years, she is my SuperMomma hero. Everything she does for me and all the ways she takes care of me - her love is truly amazing to me. The world would be a far lovelier place if everyone had a mother like mine!

My Sister

This girl I love with a fierce passion. There’s just so much I adore about her! She’s the one I go to when I can’t figure out how to put my thoughts into words. She’s the one who understands me 'cause she speaks Andi-ese. Since my illness has progressed, she willingly spends hours just hanging out with me in whatever way I’m capable of. She’s my fellow dreamer, my book-addiction supplier, my lego-playing comrade.  She’s the keeper of my secrets, my confidant. She’s the holder of many inside jokes. She makes me laugh all the time, whether we’re together or just texting. I can’t count the times I’ve cried from laughing with her so hard. She brings tremendous happiness to my life. She’s willing to give up her down time to take care of me whenever that need arises. And she’s made getting her to say, “I love you too” into a fun challenge. One that, every time I succeed, makes my heart get all warm and cozy from hearing it. She’s my best friend and she’s beyond the greatest sister I ever could’ve asked for.

My Brother

Because of him, I was born already having a best friend. Growing up, he was my favorite toy, my steady companion, my loving protector. I love to look back on our childhood and just remember all the fun we had together. Being a kid was so much fun because I got to be one with him. People used to ask us if we were twins when we were little and I remember, beside the thoughts of thinking people were weird for not knowing the truth, there was also a deep sense of pride in just having people ask that. Because, even as a youngster, I knew it was an honor to be his little sister. Now as an adult, I still have that pride because he’s grown up to be an amazing man, a man after God’s heart. He's absolutely crazy and there's never a dull moment with him around. He's so confident and comfortable being exactly who he is and I love that about him. One of the things I most love about him though is that he's never stopped being my wonderful brother.

My Husband

All my life, my greatest dream was to fall in love and marry a godly man. I wanted to be a wife more than anything else in the world. It’s what I prayed fervently over, what my heart deeply longed for. I dreamed of finding a man who would accept me with all my weirdness and quirks. A man who would laugh with me and dance with me, who’d see beyond what the mere eye can see and instead gaze upon my heart. He’d put forth the effort to get to know me, to find out what makes me smile and what makes me cry. He’d encourage me in my dreams, partnering with me and cheering me on. He’d be my protector, my safe harbor, and my shield against those who’d seek to hurt me. He’d hold me and comfort me when my symptoms would flare up, praying over me and letting me know I’m never in the fight alone. Above all, he would love me. Good days, bad days. Happy days, sad days. Easy days, hard days. He’d choose love every day.

When I was twenty-three I met a man worthy of entrusting my heart to. Now, what I can tell you is this - in all my dreaming and all my wishing, I barely scratched the surface of all the wonderfulness that is JRB. <3

*Photo found on Pinterest

So as we sit around the table during this holiday season, them eating the wonderful food and me enjoying the smell of it all, my heart will continue to lift up thanks to my Father. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And boy, is my heart abundantly full of gratefulness for I know that I am a woman who’s been richly blessed.

Tell me, Dear One, what is your heart full of thanks for this year? There's always, always something to be thankful for. And I bet once you start naming things, your list will just keep going and going. So enjoy your turkey, mashed taters, and pumpkin pie (or whatever it is you'll be eating.) Relish the time with friends and family during this fun holiday. But, Friends, let's not get so caught up in the Thanksgiving hoopla that we forget to actually be thankful and give thanks to the Giver of all good things.

I'll leave you with this song that my favorite vegetables like to sing (aka -The Veggie Tales.)

Because a thankful heart is a happy heart!

I'm glad for what I have, that's an easy way to start!

For the love that He shares as He listens to my prayers

That's why I say thanks everyday!

*Photo found on Pinterest

a [fearful] good girl

I felt the Spirit prompting me to write this post. Sometimes the words to write just flow for me, but other times it seems I’m deleting and re-writing over and over. This has been a journey of the latter variety. I want to be obedient though, so I’ll share my thoughts even if they’re not worded perfectly and hope that, amidst the imperfections, someone somewhere finds encouragement.

Have you ever given much thought to your testimony, what it is and how to word it? When you should (or maybe shouldn’t) share it? How do you start that conversation anyways? How do you know if others even want to hear it? 

*Photo found on Pinterest

I’ve been pondering these questions lately, contemplating the messages I’ve heard pastors teach on this topic in the past. I remember one specific message that has stuck with me through the years. I’ve never felt comfortable telling my whole story to random people, so I really enjoyed this particular message. The pastor was advising us not to just launch into this long story about our lives and what Jesus has done for us because (a) people may not have the time for that right then or (b) they might not be open to hearing it so going on and on could actually be a hinderance to them. Instead, he encouraged us to break it down to a few sentences that would lead to them wanting to know more. Like how we read a synopsis of a book or movie and, if it catches our interest, it leads us to find out the rest of the story. So give them a preview and let them decide if they want to hear more. 

I really loved the way he said that because I had always felt like sharing my testimony had to be this big ordeal and take lots of time. This belief came about through different life experiences such as the time people would be given to share during church services and by others giving me their “nutshell” version that still seemed to take at least 30mins to tell. Talking about myself for more than 5mins is tough for me, so when I heard this message I was like, “Score! I can totally handle this way of sharing my testimony!”

[A sense of foreboding. Pride] Peace. Humbled. JOY

In an illustration to go along with this message, the pastor had prepared a time for cardboard testimonies to be seen. For any who may be unfamiliar with that term, you take a piece of cardboard (or whatever you want to use) and on one side you describe your life before Jesus and on the other you describe after you surrendered to Him. Generally you only use 1-5 words per side. You don’t speak, instead allowing the sign to do the talking. If you’ve never seen this, you can watch them on youtube. 

Witnessing that time of testimony made a huge impact on me. Seeing people step up on stage with their “before” side showing, then watching as they flipped the sign over and revealed their “after” <—it gave me chills. It was so simple, yet so profound. 

[Rule Breaker] Honoring Authority

As Christians, we each have a testimony. A story to share, each one unique because it tells how Jesus changed us personally. Some in dramatic and obvious ways while others are subtle and more obscure. The stories differ, but the Reason behind and the Power within them are the same. The precious blood of the Lamb.

I wonder what you’d tell me if I asked to hear your testimony. And for the longest time, I really wondered what I’d tell you if you asked the same of me. Because, to be honest, I had no idea what mine was for most of my life. Maybe you can relate.

Knowing we have a testimony is a good thing, but knowing what it is seems like an even better one. 

[Broken] Saved

I was raised in a Christian home so I grew up hearing that word, “testimony”. I was a child familiar with listening to people share their stories of how Jesus saved their lives. Chains of addictions broken. Marriages rescued & redeemed. Miraculous healing of diseases of both the body and the soul.

All powerful testimonies filled with God’s forgiveness and grace. They’d give a preview of their life before Jesus and then they’d share the beauty of His transforming love. They were just ordinary people that God had saved and raised up to be powerful men and women of Him. They were sharing their stories to testify of God’s goodness and mercy, of His power and unfailing love.

Revelation 12:11NIV says, “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;…” I believe there is a releasing of His power when we speak the words to share our testimony.

[Rejected. Lonely. Confused] Adopted & fathered as an heir of Christ!

We recently made cardboard testimonies (on wood pieces) with our youth group. In preparation for asking our teens to make their signs, JRB and I made our own before service to demonstrate what we’d be doing. Which meant we had to figure out what on earth we would put on our signs. In thought, it’s easy. In action, it’s not. Breaking it down into 1-5 words per side is a lot harder than I imagined. So I prayed. “God, what do I write on this sign?”

As I mentioned, I was never quite sure what my testimony was. The issue I had was that I was a good girl. I never smoked, did drugs, or even tasted alcohol. I didn’t have sex before marriage. I obeyed the laws, I followed the rules. I didn’t cuss or speak vulgarly. This all made me feel like I didn’t really even have a testimony, because if there isn’t anything soul-stirring about my story, how would it help draw people to Jesus?

In the weeks before we made our signs, God spoke to my heart. He showed me that one of the main reasons why I was that good girl growing up came from a place of fear. Yes, a lot of it had to do with my personality and my honest desire to honor my parents and be obedient. I was never a follower so I wasn’t really tempted by peer pressure to conform to what everyone else was doing. But now I know that a major portion of me clung to my identity as a good girl because I was afraid. 

When He gave me this revelation, I knew He had also given me the words for my sign. On my before side, you’ll read:

Slave to Fear

[Fearful]

Afraid of not being good enough.

Afraid of being imperfect.

Afraid of doing something wrong.

Afraid of breaking the rules.

I deeply feared these things and it was that fear that kept me in bondage. One (sadly true) example of how fear had me in chains: I hated attending different churches because my mind was consumed with the unspoken “rules” - do we raise our hands during worship, is it frowned upon to leave the sanctuary during service for a potty break, what’s the protocol for when I stand and sit?? Not knowing the rules of places and things, whether stated or unspoken, caused me severe anxiety. 

Because if I don’t know the rules, how can I be sure not to break them?!

It’s not a big deal to some people, but my thought process about it was skewed by fear - if I break a rule, that’s bad. And being bad is the opposite of being good. Ergo, if I break a rule, whether intentional or not, I go from being a good girl to being a bad one. In the back of my mind, the fear would whisper, “Will Jesus still love me if I’m no longer good?” 

On the after side of my sign, you’ll read:

Living in Grace

[Grace-Full]

I’m now embarking on an adventure with my Abba of learning to live in a place of His grace rather than a place of fear. Along the way, I’m discovering that His grace truly is sufficient for me, in every aspect of my life. And I’m learning to have grace on myself in the moments when I blunder or mess up. I’m not a finished product yet, I still struggle with those fears. But God’s love covers me in the process and He’s gently teaching me that it’s my choice whether to react in fear or to trust in grace. Fear causes me to freak out over not being good enough. Grace allows me to be at peace knowing that I don’t have to earn His love nor strive to be good enough - I am fully loved by Him exactly as I am. I can trust that His grace covers my mistakes and inadequacies - before Him I stand flawless. 

Testimonies can be such powerful things. I think it’s important for us to know what ours is so that we can share our story when God prompts us. In addition to telling our stories to help lead others to Christ, I believe one of the biggest reasons we need to share our testimonies is simply this - to give honor and glory to Whom it is due by testifying of His great love for us, of His unfailing kindness. Because He is worthy, oh so worthy of all my praise.

[Did Everything My Way] Surrendered to God's Way

“I’ll tell the world how great and good You are, I’ll shout Hallelujah all day, every day.” Psalms 35:28MSG

When our story focuses on Him and all He is to us, that’s when our testimonies can bring change. In us, it’s just a story. With Him, it becomes life-changing. The power of Jesus in our stories is the encouragement someone out there may need to surrender to a new testimony of their own, a shift in their story of when His love invades and consumes.

“If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him”

So, Friends, let me ask you this: what would you write for your cardboard testimony?

*Photo found on Pinterest

*The testimony pictures you’ve seen throughout this post are some of my friends and family who were awesome enough to make their signs for me. Kudos and a huge thanks to each one of you!!