Thank You, Friend

"What should we do to celebrate? We should totally celebrate!!"

"What do you want to do? How do you want to celebrate?" was my husband's response. 

Because I'm me and I love the simple life I replied,

"I want you to cook me hashbrowns for supper and buy my favorite movie, "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" and we'll watch it after we eat."

This conversation happened in our kitchen a couple weeks ago. I had been talking about how many views my blog had received at that point and how amazed I was that it had been read so many times. "into me, breathe" was between 1,600-1,700 views, which meant it was only a few hundred views away from hitting 2,000. To be honest, I was stunned. I had no idea my words would ever be read anywhere near that many times!

I'd always felt like people wouldn't care about what I had to say. I struggled with feeling insignificant and unimportant, like my voice didn't really matter. I thought God had lost His marbles when He started telling me to start a blog. Read "crazy", people. That's what I'm saying, I thought God was C-R-A-Z-Y. 

*Photo found on Pinterest.

"Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending." Crazy Love by Francis Chan

Out of all the wonderful and godly people in this world, He was choosing me. He was calling me. Little ole me from my little hometown, living my little simple life. His choice of me, His calling, is one that I'm not sure I'll ever understand. The whole thing brings to mind the first verse from Francesca Battistelli's song, "He Knows My Name".

"Spent today in a conversation

In the mirror, face to face with

Somebody less than perfect

I wouldn't choose me first if

I was looking for a champion

In fact, I'd understand if

You picked everyone before me,

But that's just not my story.

True to Who You are

You saw my heart

And made

Something out of nothing."

Little ole me from my little hometown, living my little simple life. 

Little, maybe, but not too little to escape His notice. Not too little to be His chosen one, to be used by Him. Never too little to have a purpose and a plan for my life. He saw me, He saw my little, and He called me forth into my future in Him.

It's Who He is. The One Who makes much out of our little. 

When I finally surrendered and stepped out in obedience, I had no idea the impact this blog would have on lives. I didn't know how it would touch other people's lives nor how it would affect my own. Honestly, I wasn't even sure anybody would read it. I didn't know what I'd write about. The only thing I knew was that He had set this task in my heart and I needed to do it, no matter what the outcome of it was. 

*Photo found on Pinterest

When it came to that moment of realizing my blog might actually reach 2,000 views, you better believe I wanted to celebrate! It's not just being read in the U.S. either - it's being viewed in different countries, different nations. This leaves me astounded! Not because of me, but because of Him. God's been stretching my boundaries and taking me out of my comfort zone through this whole blogging process. I wanted to celebrate the numbers because it's like He's saying, "It's worth it. Opening yourself up, being real - there's a purpose in it. Trust Me." 

I don't know each person who has read my blog and continues to do so, but I love you for it. I'm so thankful to every one of you who has taken the time to read what's on my heart. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, thank you!!

You guys don't know this, but you're literally the embodiment of a prophetic word that was spoken over me a couple of years ago. Through one of His obedient children, God told me that I would one day speak to crowds of people and that my words would go all over the world without me being present there. That I would travel there in spirit and minister to people.

I honestly had no idea what that meant until recently. I'd actually kind of forgotten about this part of the prophesy. But then God reminded me about it, about His promise in that, and has been showing me how this season of my life is a fulfillment of that prophecy over me.

Are you understanding now why I wanted to celebrate?! God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

*Photo found on middleplaces.com

Last weekend (Oct. 4th, 2014) the blog hit over 2,000 views. We set aside one evening for our celebratory date night this past week. We made our dinner, enjoyed each other's company, spent time reconnecting. Then we settled in and watched the movie. A simple celebration for a very significant moment in my life.

 As I'm writing this post now, the blog has reached 2,168 views. And it just.keeps.climbing.

God is faithful, Friends. If He's calling you to do something, then trust that He has a purpose and plan behind why He's calling. I encourage you to surrender and walk in obedience. I'm speaking from experience - God will take your little and make much of it. Let go, Friends, and enjoy the ride.

Celebrate with me! Not necessarily about the views on my blog (although I'm perfectly okay with you celebrating that), but celebrate the goodness of our Abba. This is a Truth worthy of celebration! Sing, dance.. whatever feels right. 

I love this movie!

Or get yourselves a copy of "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" and celebrate like we did. You never know, you may just encounter a new favorite movie :)

I'm writing this post for two reasons: (1) To testify to the faithfulness and goodness of my Heavenly Father and (2) to thank you, Reader. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your days. I am both honored and humbled by each and every one of you. I pray I can continue to offer encouragement and hope through my openness and honesty on here. 

*Photo found on Pinterest

Thank You, Lord, for each and every person who has read my blog. Whether they've only read it once or they've become faithful readers, I thank you for the sacrifice of their time on my behalf. I am so honored by their sacrifice, Father. I am so blessed by them all. I wish to return the blessing, Lord. Will You touch each reader as they're seeing these words? Cause Your peace to rest upon them. Saturate them in Your grace, immerse them in Your love. Help them to feel You, Abba, in such a way that it leaves them in awe. Bless these friends of mine, Lord. I love you and I'm so grateful to You. Thank You for seeing and choosing my little, Lord, and doing Your wonderful works and making it into much. Thank You for helping me step out and be real in this blog. Use me, Father, in whatever way You choose. I love you, Abba. Amen.

Sharing My Tears

For the ones eagerly awaiting your future spouse, I'm about to share with you a truth you need to understand before saying, "I do." For those in the first years of marriage and for those who are veterans in the adventures of matrimony, what I'm about to say is something I know every single one of you can attest to.

Sometimes, marriage is messy. 

*Photo found on fiercemarriage.com

When two imperfect people join their lives together, there are bound to be some mistakes. At times there are words that are spoken that we don't really mean and then there are words that we mean yet we leave them unspoken. There are unintentional hurts and inadvertent blunders. There are times when everything seems to be going fine then suddenly you feel like your world's been turned upside down and "harmony" would not be a fitting descriptive word for your marriage in these moments.

My husband and I have experienced the ickiness of this messy over the course of our marriage. One particular instance keeps coming to mind.

Somewhere between my husband's arrival home from a long day at work and our time to slip into the sweet relief of sleep, an argument developed. It was over something completely ridiculous and lasted way too long, as these types of things are prone to do. Though we were trying to move past it, we each had too tight of a grip on our pride and anger in those moments for a resolution to be found. I ended up just leaving the room, knowing we both needed some time to cool off or else the disagreement would keep escalating.

After a little cool-down break, we were finally calm enough to talk about how we were feeling. We took turns sharing what was in our hearts and digging into the underlying issues. It was a time of reconnecting and healing, a time of strengthening for our marriage. It was a messy marriage moment that turned into something far greater.

Towards the end of our talk, my husband expressed his unhappiness with the fact that he'd gotten teary-eyed and I hadn't. After he shared this, I knew I had a choice to make - I could either let him continue to believe that I'm not easily moved to tears or to confess the truth to him. You see, what he was unaware of was that I had been affected in the same way, I'd just hidden it from him. While he was open with his tears, I concealed mine by turning away from him or walking out of the room. 

I made my decision. I chose to tell the truth and be open with him, to humble myself and admit that I had also shed some tears, I just hadn't allowed him to witness them.

"I'm sorry." He said.

I looked over and into his eyes. "For what?" I asked.

His reply came to me softly. "For the times you cry and I don't notice." 

Commence the melting of my heart and the girly type swooning.

This man. The things he says. *sigh*

*Photo found on tumblr

Throughout a girl's growing up years, we're always told how men are bad at showing their emotions and how we should never expect them to allow us to see them as confused, or unsure, or hurt. We're warned to never expect to see them cry. Because it's apparently not okay for a man to cry. (And how ridiculous is that statement right there?!)

But I think us women are often guilty of this too. I know I am. We may let those closest to us see our happy and our excited, our worry and our fear. To let them see us crying though? Not gonna happen. 

I really dislike crying in front of people. I know not all women are like me, some are quite comfortable sharing their tears and I admire them for it. I, however, do what I can to avoid it. The only time I'm free with my tears (and by free I mean I'm okay with my parents or my husband witnessing them) is when I'm in one of my health attacks. At that point, I'll let the tears fall in their presence. If someone else walks into the room though, I turn my head away and try to hide the wet tear streaked cheeks that bear evidence of my pain.

*Photo found on Pinterest

I don't fully know why I do this, try to hide the fact that my tear ducts work. After some deep thinking on it, I believe part of the reason I'm this way is due to experiences in my past. I went through a really dark time a few years ago and in the trial I conditioned myself to hide the evidence of my pain. I didn't want the other person involved to know how badly they were hurting me lest they use that knowledge against me. To them, my tears and pain were a weakness, something to be ashamed of. I didn't want my pain to be mocked, so I did what I could to hide it from them. Maybe another reason I do this is because I simply don't want people to know I'm hurting. Maybe I don't want to deal with people's questions about why I'm crying. Maybe I don't trust people enough to handle my pain with care. Maybe it's a combination of them all? At this point all I know for sure is that I do not want people to see me cry. 

What I'm learning though is this - when we're free to share these precious parts of ourselves, we're at a place where we're able to simply be ourselves.

In the sharing, there is freedom.

Here's something I find somewhat ironic - I love stories where I get to see the hero wiping away his lady's tears. When he cups her cheek in his hand and uses his thumb to catch the evidence of her pain, that's such a romantic gesture to me. Where's the irony? It's found in the fact that I love that moment, yet I rob my husband of being that hero for me.

What God revealed to me as I reflected on our initial argument and the discussion that followed was this - when I refuse to allow my husband to see me cry, I rob him of something far deeper than merely witnessing my tears. I steal his role as hero, champion, and protector. By hiding my pain, I refuse my prince the chance of slaying his princess' dragons. I rob my husband, myself, and our marriage of a beautiful, romantic, powerful, and intimate moment. 

So this is me, deciding that a change must occur. I do not want to cheat my love from being my hero in all ways. He is a man who's proven himself worthy of my trust. My tears will be safe in his hands, of this I have no doubts.

*Photo credit - www.LivingWellSpendingLess.com

Do any of you struggle with this too, the desire to hide your tears from others? I'd love to hear your stories. I don't want this blog to just be me talking and you listening. I want to interact with you. Connect with you. Live life with you.

So, Friends, will you join me in the journey to discover the freedom that awaits us once we open ourselves up and let others see the tears we sometimes need to let fall?