Dear Hesitant One,
Do you remember that trip you took as a new teen to that big ole youth conference in another country? The hours of traveling in the van that still smelled faintly of a pig farm, the amount of people surrounding you at every turn, the reassuring presence of your siblings and youth group around you. Remember that trip? It's the first (and last) one you attended. It was filled with worship and teaching at the meetings, then late night yawns and giggles back at the hotel room.
*Photo credit - gracefullmama.com
Do you know what else was there? Or, I should say, who else was there.
Along with the numerous people there to praise Jesus' name and draw closer to Him, the enemy of your soul was slithering and prowling, looking for any moments where he could slip in and cause a disturbance, a scene, a weakening. He was looking for ways to instill doubt, cause fear, and plant his lies.
Sadly, he succeeded with you.
In one of the meetings, the leader asked for any of the teens who were needing prayer to lift their hands. Then he requested that only the youth group leaders, chaperones, and/or adults pray for those individuals. In that time, you and a close friend saw one of your other friends waiting on prayer and, noticing that all of your leaders were praying for others at the moment, you two stepped up and began to pray for her while she waited. Then your youth pastor got your attention and told you to stop praying (albeit nicely) for her because you were not part of the "leaders."
In that moment, a lie of the enemy took root in your life. A lie born of fear - the fear of accidentally/innocently doing something you're not supposed to be doing and then being called out for it. Over the course of those few seconds, your freedom in Christ to pray for others took a direct blow and, without even realizing it, you tucked a big part of that innocent girl away behind a wall to protect her from any future embarrassment. There she has stayed for many years, safe.
I see you there, Little One. Confused and embarrassed, not understanding why your innocent desire to pray for a hurting friend back then was seen as "wrong" in the eyes of those adults. It doesn't make sense to you why they would ever ask teenagers to stop praying. Because, really, you could've sworn what they'd been trying to do in youth group was always get you to pray more. But suddenly… you were being told to stop and the enemy slipped in with the spaces between those words and, unbeknownst to you, made himself at home with his lies.
"You're not good enough to pray for others."
"Don't step out and pray, you'll only get in trouble."
"God requires prayers of a godlier person than you."
"Your prayers aren't at a deep enough level to make any difference."
Now you fear being made a spectacle of, fear getting in trouble. You so hate getting in trouble… The enemy took your youth pastor's words and twisted them around for his own evil doings. Your pastor wasn't rebuking you nor condemning you, he was simply doing what the conference leader had asked of him. Whether it was right or wrong of him to cease your praying, his intentions weren't to cause you embarrassment. That all came about through the enemy's lies.
That one moment is at the root of your hesitation over praying for someone else who's requested prayer. Your mind fills with questions similar to:
"Am I allowed to be praying?" "Am I going to get called out if I go pray for so-and-so?" "Are only the elders, leadership, and pastor supposed to be praying for these people?"
You feel guilty for hesitating, especially since you don't understand why you hesitate. Believe me, I know. The impact of that moment at that long ago youth conference isn't even in your brain. You have no idea that that is at the root of your fear. But I recently received the revelation over it and I just had to pass it on to you, Young One.
Due to that moment, when the Spirit moves inside you and you feel a need to approach someone and pray, you'll hesitate. You won't just simply step out in response to the prompting because you did that before and a man stopped you.
Read that last sentence again, Friend, because therein lies a truth you need to grasp. "… a man stopped you."
Perfect God did not ask you to stop praying in that moment, imperfect humanity did.
*Photo found on lovedbythesavior.tumblr.com
Do you feel the freedom in that? God wants to hear your voice, He wants you to pray to Him. Big things, little things, and everything in between. He wants to hear you speak about them all. He loves when you talk to Him, He loves when you share your heart with Him. He wants you in fellowship with others and praying on their behalf. He wants you to use your voice to pray for your friends.
So lift up your voice, Hesitant One, and pray in your blood-won freedom!
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may find mercy and grace in time of need." - Hebrews 4:16
Take a step back, Young One, and have another look at the situation. Trust that those leaders were doing what they felt was right, that they never intended to harm or hinder you. Remember that leaders make mistakes too and allow for the fact that maybe it just wasn't communicated in the right way. Have grace on man's imperfections and forgive them for the hurt they unknowingly inflicted on you. I know you haven't consciously been holding them at fault, but now that you're aware, there's action required on your part. So forgive and let it all go.
*Photo found on Pinterest
The enemy has no power except that which we give him. So take back what was never his to have - your innocence and confidence in prayer. Speak Truth and denounce lies. Live confidently in your Redeemer's embrace.
Be free. Free to pray for those who are hurting without hesitancy on your part. Free to lift your voice to your Abba without fear that you're breaking some unknown rule. Free to boldly approach God's throne because you know that He wants you there.
Come out from behind your protective walls, Innocent One, your Father has set you free!
Warmly,
The woman you'll someday be
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