Perfect God > Imperfect Humanity

Dear Hesitant One,

Do you remember that trip you took as a new teen to that big ole youth conference in another country? The hours of traveling in the van that still smelled faintly of a pig farm, the amount of people surrounding you at every turn, the reassuring presence of your siblings and youth group around you. Remember that trip? It's the first (and last) one you attended. It was filled with worship and teaching at the meetings, then late night yawns and giggles back at the hotel room. 

                                                     *Photo credit - gracefullmama.com

Do you know what else was there? Or, I should say, who else was there.

Along with the numerous people there to praise Jesus' name and draw closer to Him, the enemy of your soul was slithering and prowling, looking for any moments where he could slip in and cause a disturbance, a scene, a weakening. He was looking for ways to instill doubt, cause fear, and plant his lies.

Sadly, he succeeded with you.

In one of the meetings, the leader asked for any of the teens who were needing prayer to lift their hands. Then he requested that only the youth group leaders, chaperones, and/or adults pray for those individuals. In that time, you and a close friend saw one of your other friends waiting on prayer and, noticing that all of your leaders were praying for others at the moment, you two stepped up and began to pray for her while she waited. Then your youth pastor got your attention and told you to stop praying (albeit nicely) for her because you were not part of the "leaders."

In that moment, a lie of the enemy  took root in your life. A lie born of fear - the fear of accidentally/innocently doing something you're not supposed to be doing and then being called out for it. Over the course of those few seconds, your freedom in Christ to pray for others took a direct blow and, without even realizing it, you tucked a big part of that innocent girl away behind a wall to protect her from any future embarrassment. There she has stayed for many years, safe.

I see you there, Little One. Confused and embarrassed, not understanding why your innocent desire to pray for a hurting friend back then was seen as "wrong" in the eyes of those adults. It doesn't make sense to you why they would ever ask teenagers to stop praying. Because, really, you could've sworn what they'd been trying to do in youth group was always get you to pray more. But suddenly… you were being told to stop and the enemy slipped in with the spaces between those words and, unbeknownst to you, made himself at home with his lies.

"You're not good enough to pray for others." 

"Don't step out and pray, you'll only get in trouble."

"God requires prayers of a godlier person than you."

"Your prayers aren't at a deep enough level to make any difference."

Now you fear being made a spectacle of, fear getting in trouble. You so hate getting in trouble… The enemy took your youth pastor's words and twisted them around for his own evil doings. Your pastor wasn't rebuking you nor condemning you, he was simply doing what the conference leader had asked of him. Whether it was right or wrong of him to cease your praying, his intentions weren't to cause you embarrassment. That all came about through the enemy's lies.

That one moment is at the root of your hesitation over praying for someone else who's requested prayer. Your mind fills with questions similar to:

"Am I allowed to be praying?" "Am I going to get called out if I go pray for so-and-so?" "Are only the elders, leadership, and pastor supposed to be praying for these people?" 

You feel guilty for hesitating, especially since you don't understand why you hesitate. Believe me, I know. The impact of that moment at that long ago youth conference isn't even in your brain. You have no idea that that is at the root of your fear. But I recently received the revelation over it and I just had to pass it on to you, Young One. 

Due to that moment, when the Spirit moves inside you and you feel a need to approach someone and pray, you'll hesitate. You won't just simply step out in response to the prompting because you did that before and a man stopped you.

Read that last sentence again, Friend, because therein lies a truth you need to grasp. "… a man stopped you." 

Perfect God did not ask you to stop praying in that moment, imperfect humanity did.

                                               *Photo found on lovedbythesavior.tumblr.com

Do you feel the freedom in that? God wants to hear your voice, He wants you to pray to Him. Big things, little things, and everything in between. He wants to hear you speak about them all. He loves when you talk to Him, He loves when you share your heart with Him. He wants you in fellowship with others and praying on their behalf. He wants you to use your voice to pray for your friends.

So lift up your voice, Hesitant One, and pray in your blood-won freedom!

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may find mercy and grace in time of need." - Hebrews 4:16

Take a step back, Young One, and have another look at the situation. Trust that those leaders were doing what they felt was right, that they never intended to harm or hinder you. Remember that leaders make mistakes too and allow for the fact that maybe it just wasn't communicated in the right way. Have grace on man's imperfections and forgive them for the hurt they unknowingly inflicted on you. I know you haven't consciously been holding them at fault, but now that you're aware, there's action required on your part. So forgive and let it all go.

                                                             *Photo found on Pinterest

The enemy has no power except that which we give him. So take back what was never his to have - your innocence and confidence in prayer. Speak Truth and denounce lies. Live confidently in your Redeemer's embrace.

Be free. Free to pray for those who are hurting without hesitancy on your part. Free to lift your voice to your Abba without fear that you're breaking some unknown rule. Free to boldly approach God's throne because you know that He wants you there.

Come out from behind your protective walls, Innocent One, your Father has set you free!

Warmly,

The woman you'll someday be

"You are not your grades"

                                                            *Unsure of photo credit*

Have you ever thought about how great it would be if you could write a letter and send it back in time to younger you? Pass on advice, encouragement, and hope to the girl (or boy) you remember being? I have. Oh, the list of things I would tell little me!

"Don't watch that kids' movie, Little One. It's gonna give you nightmares and make you scared of the dark for months to come."

"It'd only be three spankings if you'd simply stop freaking out and move your hands away from covering your bootie."

Due to my husband taking a college course this summer, I've been thinking about my own past experiences in school. I was always pretty negative about myself when it came to my schoolwork, thinking I was dumb academically. Not really sure why I thought that way about myself, I always got good grades, but school always intimidated me. 

I began thinking about how different it would be if I was learning now what I had to learn back then, with the knowledge of myself that I have now (oh boy, that was confusing!) I started thinking of all the things I would tell myself at that age about school if I could go back in time.

So I did it. I wrote a letter to younger me...

                             *Rocking my Mickey Mouse sweater in my first (possibly second?) grade school picture

                              

Dear Young One,

I know you're struggling right now, trying to learn what's being taught and feeling stupid when it doesn't make sense. It seems like everyone gets it but you. You're worried there's something wrong with your brain because surely if it worked right you'd be able to grasp these concepts. 

I know you panic when it's time for quizzes or tests. You study really hard, yet never feel confident when the moment comes. You're unable to figure out why you can't seem to remember all this stuff, but the dates and names only reside in your brain for so long then seemingly poof! they're gone. And you once again label yourself a failure in school (despite the fact that you've never received an "F" in your life.)

You don't feel smart. You dread having conversations that revolve around school because that's when you feel you appear the dumbest. When questions start being asked about what you've learned lately or the conversation turns to what others have been learning, you immediately feel like your skin has shrunk and it's suffocating you. You do your very best to avoid all school related conversations in hopes that others won't see you as an idiot.

You have an enemy in school. It's not a kid picking on you or a teacher being mean to you, you're not being bullied or called names. No, your enemy goes by a name consisting of four little letters -  M.A.T.H. Math. Just the name makes you cringe. The pain this enemy inflicts on you is very real, the tears you cry over it are not fabricated. No matter how hard you try or how many problems you do, the answers keep coming out wrong. You know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide. Those come easy, it's knowledge you have. Long multiplication seems like it will be the death of you, though, because it always comes out incorrect. Somewhere during the long process you forget to carry a number or you add the digits up wrong. However it happens, numbers get jumbled and you can't straighten them out. Math is the one in which you feel you shine the dullest.

Take a deep breath, lean in close, and listen to what I'm about to tell you because it's something I wish I had known at your age. Are you ready? The words I have for you are these - you are not your grades. I know you're feeling stupid, but the truth is you're not. Hang in there, Young One, you're going to get through this.

You're going to graduate one day. Do you know what that means? You made it. You passed your classes. You found your way through all those things that didn't make sense, you had a way to make it work each day, and you kicked it's toosh! When your parents hand you that diploma at your graduation ceremony, it's going to be an incredible feeling. Relish that feeling, hold onto it, tuck it inside. You earned it! That diploma is what you're working towards and it's a goal you're going to reach. One you'll reach a whole year early even (yay for homeschooling!)

*My family and I after my graduation ceremony - my brother's hair rocked, yeah? :) *

Though graduating and becoming an adult doesn't mean your brain's suddenly going to work differently, you will come to a point where you realize it's okay that you don't always know who is being discussed or what event is the topic of conversation. You're going to learn to let people know that, although it sounds familiar, you're not really clear what is being talked about. You'll start asking questions instead of trying to always make it seem as if you know what everyone's talking about or that you're not interested in the conversation. "I don't know" is no longer going to be a sentence you avidly avoid. The cool part? By asking those questions you're going to learn that quite a few others really don't remember this stuff from school either. Which means, you're not so alone after all.

There will come a day, too, when you realize that if you see your math problems as words instead of numbers it's a whole lot easier for you to process. Numbers aren't really your thing, but when they appear as words they become something you can grasp onto. Your brain has to work harder to figure out the data your eyes are feeding it when you're seeing lots of numbers, but you're going to discover that when your brain takes that information of numbers and transforms it into words it becomes much easier for you to understand. If only you could know then what I know now maybe school wouldn't feel so intimidating.

The point is, I know it's hard right now, but don't give up. School won't last forever. I'm not sure you'll ever get to a point where you actually enjoy schoolwork, but you will come to appreciate the fact that you were able to attend and go through it. You'll learn that your brain isn't defective, it simply works differently then you expect. You'll get to know yourself better and it'll help you understand the best learning processes for you.

So take a deep breath, Young One, and live. Go outside and play with your dog, visit the cows and keep giving them names. Run through the yard, jump on the trampoline, ride the 4-wheeler. Wrestle with your momma, spend the day in the field with your daddy, hang out with your brother and sister. Groom your horses, take a bareback ride, spend the day at the stables with friends. Have your best friend over (even though a part of you hates when she comes because then she always has to leave) and go on your adventures. 

There's so much good in your life, don't let school overshadow that. You're not stupid, Young One. You have good grades, you pass all your tests. You're doing good so relax and enjoy being you. No matter what any of your scores in your classes may be, always remember these very important words:

 you are not your grades. 

You're so much more…

Sincerely,

The woman you'll someday be