Enduring Faith {part 2}

Hope. A confident expectation of things to come.

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*Get your hopes up

Lift your head up

Let your faith arise

Get your hopes up

Our God is for us

He’s brought us back to life

With all the medical testing and procedures done to me over the years, all coming back with the same results stating that I’m fine; with the chronic attacks continuing to happen with no end in sight - - - I’ve struggled to hold onto hope when it all looks so bleak. 

I remember one day in the summer of 2016 standing at our kitchen island with JRB, weary from the long recovery from the latest attack. I was feeling completely wrung out - physically, emotionally, spiritually. I had yet another test coming up, though, and my husband was trying to encourage me to think positively, to entertain the possibility that this test may finally lead us to an answer; to not give up hope.

I very clearly recall looking into his eyes while feeling so bleak and telling him, “You’ll have to hope for the both of us because I just can’t. I don’t want to anymore. Hope hurts.”

{If you’d like to read more about the events leading up to that conversation, see my post, “Another Year Older”}

Allow me a moment to offer a bit of clarification to ensure no misunderstandings here - - -

It was not my Hope in Jesus that was causing me pain; it was hoping for {anticipating} a change in the physical realm through the medical professionals that kept going unfulfilled that was hurting me.

I envision it like this: my hope is a boat. Just a normal, everyday-use type boat. Nothing to brag about. And it’s a boat that’s about to face some bad weather…

The sky starts to darken as a storm rolls in. I start to get nervous as I realize that my boat can’t outrun or escape this storm, but rather I’ll have to drop anchor and pray that it (and I) are still intact when the weather passes.

The storm hits. The winds howl and the rains crash down: the waves rise and fall, sending my boat careening one way and then crashing back in the other direction. Smooth sailing this is not.

Despite what’s raging on the surface, though, the anchor holds. Though the ship is battered, the anchor holds. 

*b I have fallen on my knees

as I face the raging seas

The anchor holds

in spite of the storm

- - - - - - - - - - - -

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*I see the sun waking up the morning

reviving dreams

I feel the wind on my back with promise

reminding me - - -

For the past few years, I’ve been receiving prophetic words about being given permission to dream, being encouraged to dream, and to dream bigger than I ever have before.

I’ve taken these words to heart, meditated on and prayed over them, and asked God to help me discover what my dreams are. What is it that I long to see happen?

To write more. To encourage more readers through sharing my story.

Counseling teenage girls. On life, love, and doing it all God’s way {cause it’s the best way!}

Being a mom. Loving all the Littles God brings us as we raise them to know Him.

Being healthy. To no longer live life hindered by this unknown illness.

I’m dreaming more. I’m dreaming bigger. And yet… I find myself hesitant to believe these dreams won’t always stay a mere dream, but rather become my reality.

Confession: I tend to live life with a “don’t plan on the best happening so you won’t be disappointed when it doesn’t” type mentality. *Cringe*

I had begun dreaming, but I was struggling to attach hope to these dreams.

And then. God spoke to me.

One Sunday, as I was imagining someday seeing my own Littles playing with the other kids at church, our worship team began to play the chorus I shared at the beginning of this post. I heard God whisper to me in that moment, “You’re doing the dreaming, now you need to do the believing. Get your hopes up ‘cause I won’t disappoint you.”

With His words, I was prompted to begin a learning journey of how to hope. 

Even in the bad times, on the hard days, when the future appears bleak. When all the dreams seem impossible and my mind is filled with doubts. I am learning to hope even then.

*There’s a garment of praise for heaviness

There’s a new song burning inside my chest

I’m living in the goodness that He brings

No matter what lies ahead, I won't despair [even if this pain doesn’t pass] but rather remain hopeful knowing my Heavenly Cure has been procured. When this body grows weary from the chronic storms of life, it will remain well with my soul for Hope is its Anchor [Hebrews 6:19].

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Friends, if your hope-boat is springing leaks in the midst of life’s storms, I pray you find peace in knowing the Anchor is not affected by the gales.

~ Coming soon: Enduring Faith {part 3} ~ Reading part 1 offers helpful backstory to parts 2&3

{All lines preceded by an asterisk (*) symbol are lyrics from Josh Baldwin’s, “Get Your Hopes Up”. Lines preceded by *b are lyrics from Ray Boltz’s, “The Anchor Holds”}