Once upon a time…
This familiar phrase is the prelude to many a childhood story. Personally, when I hear these words they prompt a reel of characters from kids movies to start rolling through my mind. I see Ariel and Prince Eric, Belle and Beast, Peter Pan and Wendy, Tarzan and Jane, Pongo and Perdita, Rapunzel and Eugene (Flynn), Jasmine and Aladdin, Cinderella and Prince Charming, … the list goes on and on.
One of our engagement photos. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography
It's safe to say that, for me, the phrase, "once upon a time" brings to mind fairy-tales. I don't know about you, but I love these fairy-tales. There's something about watching these characters' and childhood friends' stories that just makes me feel good. Even as an adult, I enjoy watching the adventures of my longtime Disney and Pixar friends. It's the quirky characters, the talking animals, the crazy adventures, the simplicity in the love story… and of course, the catchy tunes. (You can't see me so I'll just have to tell you - that last part has me smiling and winking at you, Friends.)
Maybe most of all, it's the love story. These stories just wouldn't be as good to me without the love story. The characters lives completely change all because of love. Call me a dork, but I get happy when these couples finally fall in love. I don't care how many times I've seen the movie, that part makes me smile every. single. time.
When Charming chooses the "servant girl" Cinderella. When Belle's love transforms Beast back to a man. When Ariel trades the sea and all she's known for a life with Eric. When Jane lets go of what society will think and jumps out of the boat to swim back to Tarzan. When Flynn changes his thieving ways and becomes a hero for Rapunzel. I love those moments. Those life changing moments. More accurately, those lives that are changed by love. I don't care that they're kids movies, I thoroughly enjoy them.
One of our engagement photos. Photo Credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography
As a young girl, I fully believed I had a "Prince Charming" waiting for me somewhere. That someday we'd meet and fall in love and our lives would be forever changed. That it would be beautiful and perfect. As I grew up, my vision of it altered, but my belief in it didn't. I just knew that one day my prince would come…
On your quest for your Knight in Shining Armor, beware. You'll come across men who seem to fit the description, but in time the truth will be revealed that they're actually just boys in tin foil.
Growing up, my greatest dream, the deepest desire of my heart was to be a wife and mother. I didn't dream of a career, of traveling, of what others perceived as exciting adventures. I dreamt of a simple life lived for the Lord with a godly husband by my side and littles ones surrounding us. A dream maybe too plain for some girls, but it was the perfect life for me.
When I was single at twenty-two, I began to fear I'd been deceived. If he was really out there, what was taking him so long to find me? Would my dream ever be reality, would I ever see the longing of my heart come to be? If this is the life God had for me… where on earth was the guy??
One of our wedding day photos. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography
I went through a season of despair, a season of questions and doubts. I feared that I'd been robbed of my future - the godly husband, the children, the simple life I dreamt of. I felt very discontent and unhappy with my life. I struggled to let go of my dreams of the life I wanted, to surrender them to God.
I very clearly remember crying to Him in prayer, saying, "I'm scared to give my dreams to You because what if You don't give them back?!" I knew in my heart that His plans for my future would be far greater than anything I could imagine, but my brain simply couldn't fathom something being better than what I'd always dreamt of. For weeks I battled this internal war. Hold tight to these dreams or trust them in God's hands. I was desperate to be obedient to Him, I longed for the ability to fully trust Him.
In the midst of this struggle, I searched for books to help me. My fear was that God was going to call me to a life of singlehood and, though it wasn't what I asked Him for, I wanted to be content in that place of life. I wanted to be at peace with whatever God called me to. I came across a book by Leslie Ludy called, "Sacred Singleness". I believe God used this book to help me surrender my dreams to Him. I won't go into details of the book, but I will say that if any of you are going through a similar struggle to the one I faced or if you know someone who is, I highly recommend Mrs. Ludy's book. It helped change my perspective on being single and to see that there are marvelous blessings in that stage of life.
*Image via Cuppa Joy Lady
I finally felt I was at a place where I could accept what God had for me. I won't say that I was necessarily excited about being single, but I was able to find joy in the surrendering of my dreams. Which isn't to say it was easy. I'm pretty sure my prayer went something like, "I want to be obedient to what You call me to in life. But I'm not strong enough to let go of these dreams so I'm just gonna open my hands and I need You to take them from me."
I think an honest prayer is beautiful to God.
Before my surrender, I felt consumed with thoughts of the faceless guy I was waiting for. No matter what I was doing, it was always there in the back of my mind, the wondering about who he would be, where he is, how we'd meet, etc. I couldn't shut the thoughts off, they just whirled in my brain day in and day out. With the endless thoughts came the feeling of discontentment, because if I'm always waiting and longing for what's coming next, how can I be content where I'm at? The thoughts also led to worry for me. I kept thinking about how on earth I was going to meet this guy because I didn't really go anywhere or do anything that would cause me to bump into him. Plus, I'm of the firm belief that the man should pursue the woman, not the other way around. It was torture for my heart to have my mind so enmeshed with the negativity I was struggling with.
After the surrender though, I could finally think clearly again. If any of those thoughts or wonderings would come, I was able to cut them off by reminding myself that I had surrendered my future to God. "Not my will, but Yours be done, Lord" became my constant prayer. I had such a sense of peace in the surrendering. The dreams and desires to be a wife and mother never went away, I just no longer felt controlled by them. They were things I still wanted, but I wanted more to live the life God was calling me to, whether it included a husband and children of my own or not.
One of our wedding day photos. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography
In the surrender I also found peace with the knowledge that, if God did have a husband for me, than I needed to leave the pen in His hands and trust Him to write us a beautiful Love Story. I didn't want to be in charge of that, I wasn't any good at it. In my quest for Prince Charming, I'd only met frauds. Guys who made promises they didn't keep, said words they didn't mean. Manipulative and controlling. Using my feelings as a weapon against me. (Side note - that kind of makes it sound like I dated lots of guys or something, but I didn't. I only had one boyfriend growing up. I'm not speaking against anyone who's had numerous dating relationships, I'm just clarifying that I wasn't one of them.) I had already been hurt and I didn't want to take that path again. I hadn't lost my belief that there were good and godly men in the world, I just felt that, sadly, they were the minority in the male species. So I asked God to be in charge if that was something He had for me.
I am living proof that when you surrender to Him and move out of His way, He will do great and wonderful things in your life. You may not recognize them as such right away, but in time you'll be able to look back and notice them. You'll be able to pinpoint the moments, pick out those times when God stepped in and did a work on your behalf. You'll begin to recognize His fingerprints all over you.
Our first picture together as an official couple <3
On August 30th, 2012 I received a friend request from JRB. Roughly one year later, we became Mr. and Mrs. Blair. I didn't feel the strokes of the pen as God wrote our Love Story on that August day. I thought I'd just acquired a new "friend" that I'd probably never actually talk to. Boy, was I wrong!
As much as I love those Disney and Pixar characters I mentioned at the beginning of this post, those fictional characters don't hold a candle to my husband. This is a status I posted after we returned from our honeymoon. Read it and be encouraged - good men do still exist!
"I'm not one who normally shares my personal life on here, but there are some things that are just worth opening myself up for to share…
We all know the importance of words. They can create a beautiful beginning or a heart wrenching ending, they can heal or they can break. They can cause laughter or heartache, feelings of love or feelings of dislike. Words are powerful and the world tends to be pretty careless with this sharp weapon.
JRB and I have committed together to always strive to use our words for good, not harm. We never want to cause each other pain with our words. We try everyday to only lift each other up, never tear each other down.
JRB is very open and intentional in the words he uses towards me. The ones I frequently hear since he entered my world - "you're beautiful…you're amazing… I love you… it's a privilege to love you and I'm glad I'm the one who gets to do it… I'll always be here, I'll never leave you… you're stronger than you think, you can do this… you could have no make-up on and not do your hair when you walk down the aisle to me and you'd still be the most beautiful bride…"
I love his words. He's such an encouragement to me. But even with how much I love these words of his, there are some I love even more.. "Father, please touch her body. Give her comfort and rest. Heal this sickness. Be with her, Lord." There's a very real intimacy involved in prayer…
On the last night of our honeymoon I got really sick. Pain, nausea, panic attack. The whole works. Lots of crying and pleading for it to go away. I took my meds then laid on the bed with my heating pad, reciting Scripture and praying to Jehovah-Rapha (God Who Heals.) The whole time, JRB laid beside me, held my hand, and prayed with me. My drugs eventually knocked me out and when I woke up about 45 minutes later, it was to the sound of my husband's voice. While I had slept, he continued to pray over me. The feeling I got when the knowledge of what he had done sank in.. to know my husband went to battle for me, fighting the enemy through his continuous praying over me filled me with such a sense of peace and knowing that I am truly and deeply loved. I heard a description of a man once that a girl always prayed to marry and that night I fully grasped why she'd want that. Because that night her request became my reality. That night, JRB became my Warrior Poet.
For all you girls waiting on love, wondering what's taking it so long - my advice is this. Let go and let God lead him to you. I know it's hard. I've been there. But if you'll listen to one who's been in your shoes then please listen now - the man God has for you (if indeed that is His plan for you) is a man worth waiting for. Love Him so that when this man does make an entrance into your world, you're able to love him better. Because a love like this, a love story that God writes… nothing else can compare to it."
I share all this in hopes of offering encouragement and hope to anyone who may be facing the struggles I myself have faced.
We can trust Him with our dreams, Friends. He has proven Himself to be so worthy of our trust and obedience. I don't know what God's plan for you is. I won't promise that there's a spouse and children in your future. I won't promise that you're going to have your dream career or travel to all the places you want to see. I'm not God, those aren't things I know nor are they things I can promise. What I can do is tell you that, no matter what, God does have a plan for you and whatever it is, it's going to be greater than anything you can imagine.
If you're struggling with the days, weeks, months, or even years of being single, may I tell you that there is a grand design and purpose to that period of your life? I know it's hard. Girl, do I ever know it's hard! But I encourage you to embrace this phase of your life, cherish the freedoms you have. The point of being single isn't just to wait to no longer be single.There is something far greater for you to pursue in this season of life, Someone far greater than a future spouse.
Ask God to reveal His purpose, to guide you in His plans for you. Surrender those things you're holding onto so tightly. There is such beauty in the surrendering, such peace in the letting go. What I've learned is that when I'm holding on tightly to my own plans, dreams and desires, I'm unable to grasp onto what God is giving me. If my hands are too full of me, I can't grab a hold of Him.
This weekend JRB and I will be celebrating our one year wedding anniversary. To some this may seem like a "no big deal" occasion. "One year? Big whoop", some may say. But to a girl who once feared she'd never see her dream of being a wife to a godly man become her reality, this is a day to be celebrated and cherished! Because of my marriage to my wonderful husband, I can confidently say, "Don't worry! Good and godly men do still exist!!"
Our upcoming anniversary is what prompted me to write this post. I was thinking back on the days before JRB entered my life and remembering those days of doubts and angst. I was marveling at how my whole world changed after surrendering my dreams to God. Not over night, but it wasn't months later either. To me, it was almost like God whispered to my heart, "This is all I've been waiting for, Child. Your surrender. Now I can move you forward into the future I have for you."
We had another photo shoot after I chopped my hair off :) Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography
Your story may not look like mine. What happens after you surrender may be quite different than what happened with me. That's ok, Friend. Our stories are unique. They're being lovingly written by a marvelous Creator. Embrace your story. Live your story. Trust Him with the writing of your story.
Fun photo shoot. Photo credit - Jodi Bodtke with Giving Tree Photography
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