Have you ever noticed how truly exhausting it is when you worry and fret over what other people think of you? Questioning your steps, hesitating over your choices, doubting your abilities - it's so draining when we let the fear of people thinking negatively about us guide our lives.
We don't sing because we fear people will think we sound tone deaf.
We don't dance because we fear people will compare us to flamingos with no rhythm.
We don't speak because we fear people will think our opinions and views are foolish.
We don't write because we fear people will view our work as nonsensical drivel.
We don't chase our dreams because we fear people will tell us we're idiots to believe our dreams are attainable.
When we are governed by a fear of measuring up, we live a life that is stifled and stagnant. The fear can grow and fester until it's affecting every area of our lives. We don't feel like we can ever just be ourselves because we're always having to keep up the act and put on a great performance so that people will approve of us.
Our lives become the stage and everyone else, our (seemingly) critical audience.
Personally, I've always struggled with the fear of what others think about me. For whatever reason, I've never believed that I measure up in other people's eyes. This fear has often kept me from doing things I've wanted to do and from chasing my dreams.
Photo credit - BeckyRosty.wordpress.com
Recently, God's been gently healing and freeing me from these fears of man's opinions. He's used my husband, JRB, to help me see myself in a different light and become the girl I've always wanted to be. Though I've still got a long ways to go, I can now look back at the girl I used to be and see the progress to the girl I am today. It's so awesome to me when I see how much God has used this incredible man to help me grow in this area.
JRB is a very positive influence in my life. In the moments when I get sucked down into the pit of "I'm not good enough" land, he helps guide me back out with his encouragement and love. Sometimes the situations are more humorous and quirky, while others are more serious and heartfelt. No matter what type of situation it is, he's always there for me.
Growing up, whenever I envisioned a home of my own, I pictured a place where I felt free to just be myself without fear of judgements. A place where I could totally let my guard down and not worry about being criticized. I wanted to be able to be a silly, crazy, goofy mess whenever the mood would strike. With JRB, I have that freedom :)
I tell you all this because (a) being married to JRB has helped me learn more of what it means to live a life for the audience of One and (b) I'm crazy in love with this awesome man and I want to share with the world how blessed I am to be his wife.
I've always loved Big Daddy Weave's song, "Audience of One." If you've read other blog posts of mine then I'm sure you're aware of how often music is what I use to express myself. Because of my fears of people's opinions, this song has always been a favorite of mine. The thought of living my life with Him as my sole audience is invigorating! A life where I'm no longer governed by the need for and seeking of man's applause, but am instead concerned only with His approval… I think that would be a truly beautiful thing.
I've glimpsed that life in different moments of my own life, times when I've been at rest in the knowledge that Christ's opinion of me is the only one that matters. Those times? Oh my, they're so full of peace and happiness. There's such freedom in those moments because I'm able to just be. I'm not forced to put on a show meant to impress Him, because I know He loves me. He sees me, I mean truly sees me, and He loves me anyway.
Photo credit - helpingbringlevihome.blogspot.com
A life that's not hindered by people's opinions. A life that's not filled with concerns about man's judgements. A life that's not bogged down by the fear of not being good enough. This is the life available to us through Jesus, a life lived in His freedom and love. A life I am actively seeking to live out.
Through my marriage I have received a visible portrayal of how my audience of One may view me (though I know JRB's affection for me is a minute amount compared to God's love for me.) Though there are times when I'm still self-conscious in front of JRB, over the course of our relationship I've allowed myself to sink into the knowledge that I can trust my husband to love me, all the pieces that make up me, and accept me just as I am.
I can dance around the house looking like a fool because I know he isn't going to mock me. I can burst out in song, singing whatever comes to mind, because I know he's not critiquing my voice. I can speak to him because I know, whether he agrees with me or not, he's not going to call me an idiot or a fool. I can share my heart through letters to him (and on a larger scale through this blog) because I know that he'll see more than just words and that he'll treasure this part of me. I can chase my dreams because I know he'll be supportive and encouraging of me doing so.
I know that I don't have to pretend in order to please my husband, that I don't have to put on a show for him to make him think I'm worthwhile. I don't have to hide all my messy flaws and imperfections to gain his approval. JRB has taken the time to know me, to learn my fears and failures, my pains and heartbreaks. He doesn't only love the nice and clean parts of me, he loves it all. Every piece that makes up A. Blair is a piece my husband loves.
If my husband, who is an imperfect man with his own flaws and failures, can love and accept me just as I am, what causes me to hesitate to believe that my perfect God will do it on an even grander scale? Isn't it the need to be loved and wanted that truly drives us to do everything we can to get other people's good opinions of us?
So what would happen, then, if we lived our lives as if we fully believed that we're already loved and wanted? Wouldn't our lives change so greatly if we were living them only for the pleasure of our Lord? If we would stop worrying about what man's thinking and only concern ourselves with God's opinion - how different do you think life would be?
Would you care to join me in finding out? Come, Friend, let's pursue a life lived wholly for the glory and honor of our Abba. Let us live our lives for the pleasure of our exclusive audience of One.
Audience of One
I come on my knees
To lay down before You
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know You
Seeking Your face
And not only Your hand
I find You embracing me
Just as I am
And I lift these songs
To You and You alone
As I sing to You
In my praises make Your home
**To my audience of One
You are Father and You are Son
As Your Spirit flows free
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise You
And now just to know You more
Has become my great reward
To see Your kingdom come
And Your will be done
I only desire to be Yours, Lord**
So what could I bring
To honor Your majesty
What song could I sing
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have
Is the life that You've given me
So, Lord, let me live for You
My song with humility
And, Lord, as the love song
Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to Your name
****
No comments:
Post a Comment